For a 14-year-old girl best advice about love.For a 14-year-old girl like me, what is the best advice that you can give me about love because I really want to learn about it?

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bullgatortail's profile pic

bullgatortail | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

Take it from an old-timer: You will meet many more boys and men during your lifetime, so don't think that the love you feel today (at 14) is the greatest of them all. I had several loves who I thought were the perfect matches for me before I had graduated college, but the woman I eventually married didn't come along until I was nearly 30. We dated, broke up for a decade, and eventually got together again. At that point, I realized she was the match made in heaven. With experience and maturity comes the knowledge and foresight to recognize true love. It usually isn't possible when you are still in your teens. Date as many boys as you can, and eventually you will know when the right guy comes around.

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Ashley Kannan | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

In all honesty, I am not entirely convinced that this is the right area for you to ask such questions.  Not to devalue the efforts of everyone here, but this is one of the most personal questions that can ever be asked.  This is the type of question that can have a profound impact on your life in so many ways.  I would strongly question anyone here that can honestly say that they can give you "the answer" or even begin to pretend to advise you in this type of online forum.

With this in mind, I strongly and zealously advise you to speak with your parents/ guardians/ close family members about this.  They might be able to give you some insight on how the concept of "love" fits into your life right now.  Talking to a trusted adult about these kinds of topics is really helpful because it takes so much of the complicated guesswork out of it.  Honestly, no one knows "the answer" about love.  Most of us are still trying to figure it out.  This means that learning from the experience of trusted adults and people whom you know will be there for you throughout your years of adolescence is really important.  If you don't feel comfortable speaking to an adult family member about it, perhaps speaking to a school social worker would be another step.  I think that this is a topic in terms of advice, insight, and discussion points that will work better if you can speak to someone who will not only listen to you, but will be someone to whom you can turn and trust on a continual basis.

There is really no way to "know" about love.  It has to be something that you interpret in your own way.  With this in mind, I can only plead with you to be careful and to be mindful of the emotional and physical implications of love.  It's going to be an issue that will play a formative role in your life for the rest of your days.  It does not go away.  Please make sure you seek advice from trusted adults, people who are in your life and have earned your respect as responsible and trustworthy adults.  This might be a good first step for you. Speaking to your parents/ guardians has to be the first move.  Yet, if you cannot do this, make a list of adults in your life that you know you can trust.  Show this list to your parents/ guardians and tell them that you need to talk to someone about what you feel and this is what you have.  Please refrain from going to online sites and asking about issues of love.  Heaven knows what will be out there.  Remember that while there are trusted adults who can be there for you, and are people that you probably already have thought about in your own mind, you are not entirely certain who is out there online when you ask questions about love.  One cannot be sure what agenda they have or from where they are coming.  I advise you in the strongest way possible to please consider phrasing this question in the exact and earnest way you did here to a parent/ guardian, or a trusted adult who can better guide you in a journey that will be a part of you for the rest of your life.

Who knows?  Ten or twenty years from now, you might be answering student question online and come across one about love.  If so, I am fairly confident you will suggest the same thing I am saying.  Trust me when I say that your experiences will help guide you and for this, especially in the early stages, ensuring that you have trusted support from a parent/ guardian is going to be critical.  I wish you nothing but the best.

Wiggin42's profile pic

Wiggin42 | Student, Undergraduate | (Level 2) Valedictorian

Posted on

The best advice is to not worry about it. The love you feel for others will change and grow as you change and grow. Worrying about such things will just add unnecessary stress to your life. Stay true to yourself. Treat others with kindness. The rest will fall in place. 

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