1. Printable Version
2. Download PDF
3. Ask a Question

Scene V

Olivia's House.

[Enter Maria and Clown.]

MARIA:

Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not
open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in way of thy
excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.

CLOWN:

Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this world
needs to fear no colours.(5)

MARIA:

Make that good.

CLOWN:

He shall see none to fear.

MARIA:

A good lenten answer: I can tell thee where that saying
was born, of, ‘I fear no colours.’

CLOWN:

Where, good Mistress Mary?(10)

MARIA:

In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in your
foolery.

CLOWN:

Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those that
are fools, let them use their talents.

MARIA:

Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent; or, to be(15)
turned away, is not that as good as a hanging to you?

CLOWN:

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and, for
turning away, let summer bear it out.

MARIA:

You are resolute, then?

CLOWN:

Not so, neither; but I am resolved on two points.(20)

MARIA:

That if one break, the other will hold; or, if both break,
your gaskins fall.

CLOWN:

Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way; if Sir Toby
would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's
flesh as any in Illyria.(25)

MARIA:

Peace, you rogue; no more o' that; here comes my lady:
make your excuse wisely; you were best.

[Exit.]

CLOWN:

Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those
wits that think they have thee, do very oft prove fools; and I,
that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man: for what(30)
says Quinapalus? ‘Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.’

[Enter Olivia and Malvolio.]

God bless thee, lady!

OLIVIA:

Take the fool away.

CLOWN:

Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

OLIVIA:

Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you: besides,(35)
you grow dishonest.

CLOWN:

Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel
will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool
not dry; bid the dishonest man mend himself: if he mend,
he is no longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher(40)
mend him. Any thing that's mended is but patched.
Virtue that transgresses is but patched with sin; and
sin that amends is but patched with virtue. If that this
simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not, what remedy?
As there is no true cuckold but calamity, so beauty's(45)
a flower: The lady bade take away the fool; therefore, I
say again, take her away.

OLIVIA:

Sir, I bade them take away you.

CLOWN:

Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, ‘Cucullus
non facit monachum’—that's as much to say as I wear not(50)
motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to
prove you a fool.

OLIVIA:

Can you do it?

CLOWN:

Dexteriously, good madonna.

OLIVIA:

Make your proof.(55)

CLOWN:

I must catechize you for it, madonna. Good my
mouse of virtue, answer me.

OLIVIA:

Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll 'bide your
proof.

CLOWN:

Good madonna, why mourn'st thou?(60)

OLIVIA:

Good fool, for my brother's death.

CLOWN:

I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

OLIVIA:

I know his soul is in heaven, fool.

CLOWN:

The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's
soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.(65)

OLIVIA:

What think you of this fool, Malvolio? Doth he not
mend?

MALVOLIO:

Yes; and shall do till the pangs of death shake
him. Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the
better fool.(70)

CLOWN:

God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better
increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no
fox; but he will not pass his word for two pence that you
are no fool.

OLIVIA:

How say you to that, Malvolio?(75)

MALVOLIO:

I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a
barren rascal; I saw him put down the other day with an
ordinary fool that has no more brain than a stone. Look you
now, he's out of his guard already; unless you laugh and minister
occasion to him, he is gagged. I protest, I take these(80)
wise men that crow so at these set kind of fools, no better
than the fools' zanies.

OLIVIA:

O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste with
a distempered appetite. To be generous, guiltless, and of free
disposition, is to take those things for bird-bolts that you(85)
deem cannon-bullets. There is no slander in an allowed fool,
though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known
discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove.

CLOWN:

Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou speakest
well of fools!(90)

[Re-enter Maria .]

MARIA:

Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much
desires to speak with you.

OLIVIA:

From the Count Orsino, is it?

MARIA:

I know not, madam; 'tis a fair young man, and well
attended.(95)

OLIVIA:

Who of my people hold him in delay?

MARIA:

Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.

OLIVIA:

Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but mad-
man. Fie on him!

[Exit Maria]

Go you, Malvolio: if it be a suit from the Count, I am sick,(100)
or not at home; what you will to dismiss it.

[Exit Malvolio.]

Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people
dislike it.

CLOWN:

Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest
son should be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with brains,(105)
for,—here he comes,—one of thy kin, has a most weak pia
mater.

[Enter Sir Toby.]

OLIVIA:

By mine honour, half drunk. What is he at the gate,
cousin?

SIR TOBY:

A gentleman.(110)

OLIVIA:

A gentleman? What gentleman?

SIR TOBY:

'Tis a gentleman here—a plague o' these pickle-herring!
—How now, sot?

CLOWN:

Good Sir Toby!

• Feste is punning on the word collars, which of course sounds like colours. (See note: “In the wars” below.)
• thin, sparse
• Maria points out the origin of the phrase “fear no colours.” The word colours was used to describe military flags displayed on the battlefield.
• Feste is saying that intelligent people utilize wisdom, but those without intelligence must utilize talent. He seems to put himself in the latter category. However, Feste is highly intelligent, as well as talented, as were most professional fools at this time.
• Feste means that if he does get kicked out of Olivia's house, the fact that it is summertime will make his eviction less troublesome.
• firm, unyielding
• trousers
• Maria is punning on the word point, which refers to the small hooks used to hold up trousers—gaskins.
• “If Sir Toby would quit drinking, he would do well to marry you, one of the cleverest women in Illyria.”
• “Wit, if it be your will, help me to be clever and amusing.” Feste is addressing the abstract concept of wit. This literary device is called an apostrophe. Not to be confused with the punctuation mark, this kind of apostrophe is seen whenever a character speaks directly to an object or an abstract idea.
• This is a fictitious philosopher invented by Feste.
• barren, empty
• my lady
• mender of clothing
• lapses; goes astray
• “Anything that has been mended has been patched. A virtuous person who goes astray is patched with sin, while a sinful person who does a virtuous thing is patched with virtue.” Feste means that no one is completely sinful or completely virtuous. Instead, all people have a mixture of virtue and sin within them.
• a type of logical argument
• a man whose wife has cheated on him
• “Just as disaster is the worst kind of betrayal, it is also true that beauty does not last.” Feste is stating that all men are married to luck, and when a man's luck betrays him (as it does whenever calamity strikes) he has been made a cuckold (a man betrayed by his wife.) In comparing beauty to a flower, he means that beauty, like the flower, is not permanent. It blooms for a short time and then dies.
• commanded
• a mistake, error
• “The cowl does not make the monk.” In other words, the costume a person wears has no bearing on what kind of person he or she really is. “Motley” refers to the multicolored scraps of cloth that most clown costumes were made of.
• skillfully, expertly
• instruct in a question and answer format
• The word mouse was often used as a term of endearment.
• As he did with “Toby Belch” and “Andrew Aguecheek,” Shakespeare again chooses a name that describes one of his characters. In Italian, Mal volio can be translated to “ill will.” This is fitting, since Malvolio will be the main antagonist for the other characters in the play.
• doesn't he improve?
• ill-health; also, weakness due to aging (in Shakespeare's time)
• empty of wit
• give opportunity
• A zany was a lesser clown whose job was to imitate a professional clown.
• with
• Malvolio is extremely self-centered and self-righteous. These traits allow for him to become the victim of Sir Toby's malicious scheme later on in the play.
• diseased
• Bird-bolts were small arrows used for shooting birds. Olivia is telling Malvolio that he should take Feste's insults less seriously. Olivia also explains that a professional fool can never be guilty of slander since part of the fool's job is to insult people.
• “Now Mercury supplies you with the ability to lie.” The ancient Roman god Mercury was believed to be crafty and deceptive.
• relative
• get rid of him
• message of courtship
• do whatever you must
• the ancient Roman god, Jupiter
• the membrane covering the brain
• Sir Toby has just belched and is cursing the pickled herring that he had eaten.
• fool, idiot

1. Strategies for Understanding Shakespeare's Language
2. Reading Pointers for Sharper Insights
3. Dramatis Personæ
4. Act I
   1. Scene I
   2. Scene II
   3. Scene III
   4. Scene IV
   5. Scene V
5. Act II
   1. Scene I
   2. Scene II
   3. Scene III
   4. Scene IV
   5. Scene V
6. Act III
   1. Scene I
   2. Scene II
   3. Scene III
   4. Scene IV
7. Act IV
   1. Scene I
   2. Scene II
   3. Scene III
8. Act V
   1. Scene I
9. Copyright