Twelfth Night | Act I, Scene III - Page 2
- SIR ANDREW:
-
An you part so, mistress, I would I might never
draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools
in hand?(60)
- MARIA:
-
Sir, I have not you by the hand.
- SIR ANDREW:
-
Marry, but you shall have; and here's my
hand.
- MARIA:
-
Now, sir, thought is free. I pray you, bring your hand
to the buttery-bar and let it drink.(65)
- SIR ANDREW:
-
Wherefore, sweetheart? what's your metaphor?
- MARIA:
-
It's dry, sir.
- SIR ANDREW:
-
Why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can
keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?(70)
- MARIA:
-
A dry jest, sir.
- SIR ANDREW:
-
Are you full of them?
- MARIA:
-
Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends: marry, now I
let go your hand, I am barren.
[Exit Maria.]
- SIR TOBY:
-
O knight, thou lackest a cup of canary: when did(75)
I see thee so put down?
- SIR ANDREW:
-
Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary
put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit
than a Christian or an ordinary man has; but I am great
eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit.(80)
- SIR TOBY:
-
No question.
- SIR ANDREW:
-
An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride home
tomorrow, Sir Toby.
- SIR TOBY:
-
Pourquoi, my dear knight?
- SIR ANDREW:
-
What is ‘Pourquoi’? Do or not do? I would I had(85)
bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in fenc-
ing, dancing, and bear-baiting. Oh, had I but followed
the arts!
- SIR TOBY:
-
Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
- SIR ANDREW:
-
Why, would that have mended my hair?(90)
- SIR TOBY:
-
Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by
nature.
- SIR ANDREW:
-
But it becomes me well enough, does't not?
- SIR TOBY:
-
Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope
to see a housewife take thee between her legs and spin(95)
it off.
- SIR ANDREW:
-
Faith, I'll home tomorrow, Sir Toby: your niece
will not be seen; or, if she be, it's four to one she'll none of
me. The Count himself here hard by woos her.
- SIR TOBY:
-
She'll none o' the Count: she'll not match above her(100)
degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard
her swear't. Tut, there's life in't, man.
- SIR ANDREW:
-
I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the
strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques and revels
sometimes altogether.(105)
- SIR TOBY:
-
Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?
- SIR ANDREW:
-
As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the
degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare with an old
man.
- SIR TOBY:
-
What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?(110)
- SIR ANDREW:
-
Faith, I can cut a caper.
- SIR TOBY:
-
And I can cut the mutton to't.
- SIR ANDREW:
-
And, I think I have the back-trick simply as strong
as any man in Illyria.
- SIR TOBY:
-
Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have these(115)
gifts a curtain before 'em? are they like to take dust, like
Mistress Mall's picture? why dost thou not go to church
in a galliard and come home in a coranto? My very walk
should be a jig; I would not so much as make water but in
a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide(120)
virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy
leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.
- SIR ANDREW:
-
Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in flame-
colour'd stock. Shall we set about some revels?
- SIR TOBY:
-
What shall we do else? were we not born under(125)
Taurus?
- SIR ANDREW:
-
Taurus? that's sides and heart.
- SIR TOBY:
-
No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee caper; ha!
higher! ha, ha! excellent!
[Exeunt.]
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