Jul 9, 2008
As its name implies, Paragraph Improvement questions are more about strengthening paragraph cohesion and essay unity than about correcting out-and-out errors. A paragraph’s elements may be grammatically correct but stylistically and rhetorically inadequate.
Problem Types
Below is a chart listing some of the stylistic deficiencies typically encountered in the Improving Paragraphs questions:
| Problem | Solution |
| wordy, redundant | eliminate unnecessary words |
| choppy sentences | combine sentences |
| unclear relationships between sentences | clarify relationships (usually with conjuctions) |
| vague language | replace with specific words |
| awkward passive voice | use active voice |
| lacking in support/details | select appropriate details |
Steps for Mastering Paragraph Improvement Questions
The following is an introduction excerpted from a student’s essay. The essay was written in response to a writing prompt asking the student to explain how his or her use of language differs from proper English when speaking with a friend.
(1) The language I use in talking to a friend would certainly differ from Standard English. (2) In talking with a friend I would be prone to phrases drawn from popular culture that we are both aware of. (3) I would know that by employing certain phrases that my friends and I were members of a peer group, and thus friends.
1. Which of the following revisions most clearly states the meaning of sentence 3?
(A) No change
(B) I would know, by employing certain phrases, that my friends and I shared certain interests.
(C) My friends and I would be peers by employing certain phrases that show we are friends.
(D) I would know that my friends and I had things in common by our similar uses of language.
(E) I would know, that by employing certain phrases and words, that my friends and I shared common interests and were, because of this knowledge, peers.
If you feel that the sentence is not in need of revision, choose answer choice (A). If you determine that the sentence would benefit from revision, proceed as follows:
STEP 1
Eliminate choice (A) because it makes no revision.
STEP 2
Eliminate the obviously incorrect choices. Choice (D) says something completely different from the idea implied by the original sentence, while (E) is a verbose and repetitive run-on sentence.
STEP 3
Choose between the most likely answers. Choice (B) is clearer than (C) and (B) better expresses the thought that sentence 3 attempts to convey.
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