Scene IV

A Street

Enter Benvolio and Mercutio.

MER:

Where the devil should this Romeo be?
Came he not home to-night?

MER:

Where the devil can this Romeo be?
Didn’t he come home tonight?

BEN:

Not to his father's. I spoke with his man.

BEN:

Not to his father's; I spoke with his valet.

MER:

Why, that same pale hard-hearted wench,
that Rosaline, torments him so that he will sure run mad.(5)

MER:

Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline,
Torments him so that he will sure run mad.

BEN:

Tybalt, the kinsman to old Capulet,
Hath sent a letter to his father's house.

BEN:

Tybalt, the kinsman to old Capulet,
Has sent a letter to his father's house.

MER:

A challenge, on my life.

MER:

A challenge, on my life.

BEN:

Romeo will answer it.

BEN:

Romeo will answer it.

MER:

Any man that can write may answer a letter.(10)

MER:

Any man that can write may answer a letter.

BEN:

Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he dares,
being dared.

BEN:

No, he will answer the letter's writer, how he
dares being dared.

MER:

Alas, poor Romeo, he is already dead! stabb'd with
a white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a
love song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind(15)
bow-boy's butt-shaft; and is he a man to encounter
Tybalt?

MER:

It’s a pity. Poor Romeo, he is already dead! Stabbed with a white
wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a love song; the
very pin of his heart split by the blind bow-boy's strongest arrow.
and is he a man to encounter Tybalt?

BEN:

Why, what is Tybalt?

BEN:

Why, what is Tybalt?

MER:

More than Prince of Cats, I can tell you. O, he's the
courageous captain of compliments. He fights as you(20)
sing pricksong, keeps time, distance, and proportion;
rests me his minim rest, one, two, and the third in your
bosom! the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a
duellist! a gentle man of the very first house, of the first
and second cause. Ah, the immortal passado! the punto(25)
reverso! the hai!

MER:

More than Prince of Cats, I can tell you. O, he's the
courageous captain of compliments. He fights as you sing
prick-song keeps time, distance, and proportion; rests his
minimum rest. one, two, and the third in your bosom; the very
butcher of a silk button, a man who fights duels - a duellist -
a gentleman of the very first house, of the first and second cause. ah, the
immortal forward thrust! the back-handed thrust! the hay.

BEN:

The what?

BEN:

The what?

MER:

The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting
fantasticoes—these new tuners of accent! ‘By Jesu, a
very good blade! a very tall man! a very good whore!’(30)
Why, is not this a lamentable thing, grandsir, that we
should be thus afflicted with these strange flies, these
fashion-mongers, these pardona-me's, who stand so
much on the new form that they cannot sit at ease on
the old bench? O, their bones, their bones!(35)

MER:

The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting absurd and irrational people; these
new tuners of accents! 'By Jesus, a very good blade! a very tall man!
a very good whore!' Why, isn’t this a lamentable thing,
grandfather, that we should be thus afflicted with these strange
flies, these fashion-mongers, these pardon me’s, who stand so
much on the new form that they cannot sit at ease on the old
bench? O, their bones, their bones!

Enter Romeo.

BEN:

Here comes Romeo! here comes Romeo!

BEN:

Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo!

MER:

Without his roe, like a dried herring. O flesh, flesh,
how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers that
Petrarch flowed in. Laura, to his lady, was but a kitchen
wench (marry, she had a better love to berhyme her),(40)
Dido a dowdy, Cleopatra a gypsy, Helen and Hero hildings
and harlots, Thisbe a gray eye or so, but not to the
purpose. Signior Romeo, bon jour! There's a French salutation
to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit
fairly last night.(45)

MER:

Without his fish eggs, like a dried herring. O flesh, flesh, how are
you fishified! Now he is for the numbers that Petrarch flowed
in! Laura, compared to his lady, was only a kitchen wench, by Mary,
she had a better love to be-rhyme her; Dido by comparison, a
dowdy; Cleopatra, a gypsy; Helen and Hero, worthless prostitutes
and harlots; This be, a gray eye or so, but not to the purpose,
Signior Romeo, bon jour! There's a French salutation to your
French slop. You gave us a good false impression last night.

ROM:

Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give
you?

ROM:

Good morning to you both. What false impression did I give you?

MER:

The slip, sir, the slip. Can you not conceive?

MER:

The slip, sir, the slip; can’t you remember?

ROM:

Pardon, good Mercutio. My business was great, and
in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.(50)

ROM:

Pardon me, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in such a
case as mine, a man may strain good manners.

MER:

That's as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains
a man to bow in the hams.

MER:

That's as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a
man to bend his legs.

ROM:

Meaning, to curtsy.

ROM:

Meaning, to good manners?

MER:

Thou hast most kindly hit it.

MER:

Thou hast most kindly hit it.

ROM:

A most courteous exposition.(55)

ROM:

A most courteous exposition.

MER:

Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.

MER:

No, I am the very small spot of courtesy.

ROM:

Pink for flower.

ROM:

Pink for flower.

MER:

Right.

MER:

Right.

ROM:

Why, then is my pump well-flower'd.

ROM:

Why, then my shoe is well-flowered.

MER:

Well said! Follow me this jest now till thou hast worn(60)
out thy pump, that, when the single sole of it is worn,
the jest may remain, after the wearing, solely singular.

MER:

Well said. Follow me in this joke now until you have worn out
your shoe; that, when the single sole of it is worn, the joke may
remain, after the wearing, sole singular.

ROM:

O single-sold jest, solely singular for the singleness!

ROM:

O single-soled joke, only singular for the singleness!

MER:

Come between us, good Benvolio! My wits faint.

MER:

Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits are failing.

ROM:

Switch and spurs, switch and spurs! or I'll cry a match.(65)

ROM:

At full speed, at full speed; or I'll cry a match.

MER:

Nay, if our wits run the wild-goose chase, I am done;
for thou hast more of the wild goose in one of thy wits
than, I am sure, I have in my whole five. Was I with you
there for the goose?

MER:

No, if your wits run the wild-goose chase, I’m done, because
you have more of the wild-goose in one of your wits than, I am
sure, I have in my whole five. Was I with you there for the
goose?

ROM:

Thou wast never with me for anything when thou(70)
wast not there for the goose.

ROM:

You were never with me for anything when you were not
there for the goose.

MER:

I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.

MER:

I will bite you on the ear for that joke!

ROM:

Nay, good goose, bite not!

ROM:

No, good goose, don’t bite.

MER:

Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most sharp
sauce.(75)

MER:

Your wit is a very bitter sweetness; it is a most sharp
sauce.

ROM:

And is it not, then, well serv'd in to a sweet goose?

ROM:

And isn’t, then, well served with a sweet goose?

MER:

O, here's a wit of cheverel, that stretches from an
inch narrow to an ell broad!

MER:

O, here's a wit of kid leather, that stretches from an inch
narrow to 45 inches wide!

ROM:

I stretch it out for that word ‘broad,’ which, added to
the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.(80)

ROM:

I stretch it out for that word “broad,” which added to the
goose, proves you far and wide a broad goose.

MER:

Why, is not this better now than groaning for love?
Now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art
thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature. For this
drivelling love is like a great natural that runs lolling
up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.(85)

MER:

Why, isn’t this better now than groaning for love? Now, you’re
sociable; now you’re Romeo; now you are what you are, by
art as well as by nature. for this idiotic love is like a
great natural fool that runs lolling up and down to hide his toy
in a hole.

BEN:

Stop there, stop there!

BEN:

Stop there, stop there.

MER:

Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.

MER:

You want me to stop in my tale against the hair.

BEN:

Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.

BEN:

Otherwise, you would have made your tale large.

MER:

O, thou art deceiv'd! I would have made it short; for I
was come to the whole depth of my tale, and meant(90)
indeed to occupy the argument no longer.

MER:

O, you are deceived; I would have made it short, because I was
coming to the whole point of my tale, and I indeed meant to
monopolize the argument any longer.

ROM:

Here's goodly gear!

ROM:

Here's some good stuff!

Enter Nurse and her Man, Peter.

MER:

A sail, a sail!

MER:

A sail, a sail, a sail!

BEN:

Two, two! a shirt and a smock.

BEN:

Two, two; a shirt and a smock.

NURSE:

Peter!(95)

NURSE:

Peter!

PETER:

Anon.

PETER:

Right away.

NURSE:

My fan, Peter.

NURSE:

My fan, Peter.

MER:

Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan's the fairer
face of the two.

MER:

Good Peter, to hide her face, for her fan has the fairer face.

NURSE:

God ye good morrow, gentlemen.(100)

NURSE:

Good morning, gentlemen.

MER:

God ye good-den, fair gentlewoman.

MER:

Good evening, fair gentlewoman.

NURSE:

Is it good-den?

NURSE:

Is it good evening?

MER:

'Tis no less, I tell ye; for the bawdy hand of the dial is
now upon the prick of noon.

MER:

It’s no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the clock is
now upon the prick of noon.

NURSE:

Out upon you! What a man are you!(105)

NURSE:

Shame on you! What kind of a man are you!

ROM:

One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself
to mar.

ROM:

One, gentlewoman, that God has made for himself to damage.

NURSE:

By my troth, it is well said. ‘For himself to mar,’
quoth a? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I
may find the young Romeo?(110)

NURSE:

By my truth, it is well said; for himself to damage, he says?
Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I may find the young
Romeo?

ROM:

I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when
you have found him than he was when you sought him. I
am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.

ROM:

I can tell you, but “young” Romeo will be older when you have
found him than he was when you asked for him. I am the youngest of
that name, for fault of a worse name.

NURSE:

You say well.

NURSE:

You say well.

MER:

Yea, is the worst well? Very well took, i’ faith! wisely,(115)
wisely.

MER:

Yeah, is the worst well? Very well taken, in faith; wisely,
wisely.

NURSE:

If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you.

NURSE:

If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you.

BEN:

She will indite him to some supper.

BEN:

She will give him a written invitation to some supper.

MER:

A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! So ho!

MER:

A hare, a hare, a hare! So ho!

ROM:

What hast thou found?(120)

ROM:

What have you found?

MER:

No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie, that is
something stale and hoar ere it be spent.

He walks by them and sings.

An old hare hoar,
And an old hare hoar,
Is very good meat in Lent;(125)
But a hare that is hoar
Is too much for a score
When it hoars ere it be spent.
Romeo, will you come to your father's? We'll to dinner
thither.(130)

MER:

No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a Lenten pie. That is
something stale and gray with age before it is used up.

An old gray hare,
And an old gray hare,
Is very good meat in Lent;
But a hare that is gray
Is too much to be billed
When it ages before it used up.
Romeo, will you come to your father's? We'll have dinner there.

ROM:

I will follow you.

ROM:

I will follow you.

MER:

Farewell, ancient Lady. Farewell, lady, lady, lady.

MER:

Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, lady, lady, lady.

Sings

Exeunt Mercutio, Benvolio.

NURSE:

Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant
was this that was so full of his ropery?

NURSE:

By Mary, farewell! Please, sir, what rude salesman was
this that was so full of his own trickery?

ROM:

A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk and(135)
will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a
month.

ROM:

A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, and
will speak more in a minute than you think should do for a month.

NURSE:

An’ a speak anything against me, I'll take him down,
an’ a were lustier than he is, and twenty such jacks; and
if I cannot, I'll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am(140)
none of his flirt-gills; I am none of his skains-mates. And
thou must stand by too, and suffer every knave to use me
at his pleasure!

NURSE:

If he speaks anything against me, I'll take him down, even if he
were lustier than he is, and twenty such Jacks; and if I cannot,
I'll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his
women with loose behavior. I’m not one of his buddies. And you just
stand by too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure!

PETER:

I saw no man use you at his pleasure. If I had, my
weapon should quickly have been out, I warrant you. I(145)
dare draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a
good quarrel, and the law on my side.

PETER:

I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I had, my weapon
should quickly have been out, I guarantee you. I would draw as soon
as another man, if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law
on my side.

NURSE:

Now, afore God, I am so vexed that every part about
me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word; and, as
I told you, my young lady bid me enquire you out.(150)
What she bid me say, I will keep to myself; but first let
me tell ye, if ye should lead her into a fool's paradise, as
they say, it were a very gross kind of behaviour, as they
say; for the gentle woman is young; and there-fore, if
you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill(155)
thing to be off'red to any gentlewoman, and very weak
dealing.

NURSE:

Now, before God, I am so annoyed that every part about me
quivers. Scurvy knave! Please, sir, a word. And as I told
you, my young lady asks me to find you. What she asked me to say,
I will keep to myself. but first let me tell you, if you should lead
her into a fool's paradise, as they say, it is a very gross
kind of behavior, as they say, for the gentlewoman is young;
and, therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it is
an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak
dealing on your part.

ROM:

Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I pro-
test unto thee—

ROM:

Nurse, commend me to your lady and mistress. I must protest
your comments

NURSE:

Good heart, and i’ faith I will tell her as much.(160)
Lord, Lord! she will be a joyful woman.

NURSE:

Good heart, and in faith I will tell her as much. Lord,
Lord, she will be a joyful woman.

ROM:

What wilt thou tell her, nurse? Thou dost not mark
me.

ROM:

What will you tell her, nurse? You don’t understand me.

NURSE:

I will tell her, sir, that you do protest, which, as I
take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.(165)

NURSE:

I will tell her, sir, that you do protest. which, as I
take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.

ROM:

Bid her devise some means to come to shrift
This afternoon;
And there she shall at Friar Laurence’ cell
Be shriv'd and married. Here is for thy pains.

ROM:

Bid her devise some means to come to confession
This afternoon;
And there she shall, at Friar Lawrence' cell,
Make her confession and married. Here is something for your pains.

NURSE:

No, truly, sir; not a penny.(170)

NURSE:

No, truly, sir; not a penny.

ROM:

Go to! I say you shall.

ROM:

Come on, I say you shall take it.

NURSE:

This afternoon, sir? Well, she shall be there.

NURSE:

This afternoon, sir? Well, she’ll be there.

ROM:

And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall.
Within this hour my man shall be with thee
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair,(175)
Which to the high topgallant of my joy
Must be my convoy in the secret night.
Farewell. Be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains.
Farewell. Commend me to thy mistress.

ROM:

And wait, good nurse, behind the abbey wall.
Within this hour, my man shall be with you,
And bring you a rope ladder;
Which must be my way to the highest point
Of my joy in the secret night.
Farewell; be trusty, and I'll pay you well.
Farewell; commend me to your mistress.

NURSE:

Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.(180)

NURSE:

Now God in heaven bless you! Listen, sir.

ROM:

What say'st thou, my dear nurse?

ROM:

What did you say, my dear nurse?

NURSE:

Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say,
Two may keep counsel, putting one away?

NURSE:

Can your man keep a secret? Have you never heard the saying,
Two may keep counsel, putting the other one away?

ROM:

I warrant thee my man's as true as steel.

ROM:

I guarantee you, my man is as true as steel.

NURSE:

Well, sir, my mistress is the sweetest lady. Lord,(185)
Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing—O, there is a
nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain lay knife
aboard; but she, good soul, had as lieve see a toad, a
very toad, as see him. I anger her sometimes, and tell her
that Paris is the properer man; but I'll warrant you, when(190)
I say so, she looks as pale as any clout in the versal
world. Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin both with a
letter?

NURSE:

Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady. Lord, Lord!
when she was a little chatterbox, O, there's a nobleman in
town, one Paris, that would gladly like her attention; but she, good
soul, would rather see a toad, a very toad, than to see him. I anger
her sometimes, and tell her that Paris is the more proper man; but
I'll guarantee you, when I say so, she looks as pale as any linen
in the whole, wide world. Doesn’t “rosemary” and “Romeo” begin with
the same letter?

ROM:

Ay, nurse; what of that? Both with an R.

ROM:

Yes, nurse; what of that? Both begin with an R.

NURSE:

Ah, mocker! that's the dog's name. R is for the—No; I(195)
know it begins with some other letter; and she hath the
prettiest sententious of it, of you and rosemary, that it
would do you good to hear it.

NURSE:

Ah, joker! That's the dog's name. R is for the dog! No, I
know it begins with some other letter. and she has the
prettiest proverbs of it, of you and rosemary, that it would
do you good to hear it.

ROM:

Commend me to thy lady.

ROM:

Commend me to your lady.

NURSE:

Ay, a thousand times. Exit Romeo. Peter!(200)

NURSE:

Yes, a thousand times. [Exit Romeo.] Peter!

PETER:

Anon.

PETER:

Yes?

NURSE:

Peter, take my fan, and go before, and apace.

NURSE:

Peter, take my fan, and go before me.

Exeunt.