Scene I

[Leonato's Orchard]

Enter Hero, and two gentlewomen, Margaret, and Ursula.

HERO:

Good Margaret, run thee to the parlour.
There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice
Proposing with the prince and Claudio.
Whisper her ear and tell her, I and Ursula
Walk in the orchard, and our whole discourse(5)
Is all of her. Say that thou overheard'st us;
And bid her steal into the pleached bower,
Where honeysuckles, ripened by the sun,
Forbid the sun to enter—like favourites,
Made proud by princes, that advance their pride(10)
Against that power that bred it. There will she hide her
To listen our propose. This is thy office.
Bear thee well in it and leave us alone.

MARGARET:

I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently.

[Exit.]

HERO:

Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,(15)
As we do trace this alley up and down,
Our talk must only be of Benedick.
When I do name him, let it be thy part
To praise him more than ever man did merit.
My talk to thee must be how Benedick(20)
Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter
Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made,
That only wounds by hearsay. Now begin,

Enter Beatrice.

For look where Beatrice like a lapwing runs,
Close by the ground, to hear our conference.(25)

[Beatrice hides in the arbour.]

URSULA:

The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish
Cut with her golden oars the silver stream.
And greedily devour the treacherous bait.
So angle we for Beatrice, who even now
Is couched in the woodbine coverture.(30)
Fear you not my part of the dialogue.

HERO:

Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing
Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it.
No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful.
I know her spirits are as coy and wild(35)
As haggards of the rock.

URSULA:

But are you sure
That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?

HERO:

So says the prince, and my new-trothed lord.

URSULA:

And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?(40)

HERO:

They did entreat me to acquaint her of it;
But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,
To wish him wrestle with affection,
And never to let Beatrice know of it.

URSULA:

Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman(45)
Deserve as full, as fortunate a bed
As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?

HERO:

O god of love! I know he doth deserve
As much as may be yielded to a man:
But Nature never framed a woman's heart(50)
Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice.
Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
Misprizing what they look on; and her wit
Values itself so highly, that to her
All matter else seems weak. She cannot love,(55)
Nor take no shape nor project of affection,
She is so self-endeared.

URSULA:

Sure I think so;
And therefore certainly it were not good
She knew his love, lest she'll make sport at it.(60)

HERO:

Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,
How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured,
But she would spell him backward. If fair-faced,
She would swear the gentleman should be her sister;
If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antique,(65)
Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed;
If low, an agate very vilely cut;
If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;
If silent, why, a block moved with none.
So turns she every man the wrong side out(70)
And never gives to truth and virtue that
Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.

URSULA:

Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.

HERO:

No, not to be so odd, and from all fashions,
As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable.(75)
But who dare tell her so? If I should speak,
She would mock me into air; O, she would laugh me
Out of myself, press me to death with wit!
Therefore let Benedick, like covered fire,
Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly.(80)
It were a better death than die with mocks,
Which is as bad as die with tickling.

URSULA:

Yet tell her of it. Hear what she will say.

HERO:

No; rather I will go to Benedick
And counsel him to fight against his passion.(85)
And truly, I'll devise some honest slanders
To stain my cousin with. One doth not know
How much an ill word may empoison liking.

URSULA:

O, do not do your cousin such a wrong!
She cannot be so much without true judgment,(90)
Having so swift and excellent a wit
As she is prized to have, as to refuse
So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick.

HERO:

He is the only man of Italy,
Always excepted my dear Claudio.(95)

URSULA:

I pray you be not angry with me, madam,
Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick,
For shape, for bearing, argument, and valour,
Goes foremost in report through Italy.

HERO:

Indeed he hath an excellent good name.(100)

URSULA:

His excellence did earn it ere he had it.
When are you married, madam?

HERO:

Why, every day to-morrow! Come, go in.
I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel
Which is the best to furnish me tomorrow.(105)

URSULA:

She's limed, I warrant you! We have caught her, madam.

HERO:

If it prove so, then loving goes by haps;
Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.

[Exeunt Hero and Ursula.]

BEATRICE:

What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
Stand I condemned for pride and scorn so much?(110)
Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu!
No glory lives behind the back of such.
And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee(115)
To bind our loves up in a holy band;
For others say thou dost deserve, and I
Believe it better than reportingly.

Exit.

Scene II

[A Room in Leonato's House]

Enter Prince [Don Pedro], Claudio, Benedick, and Leonato.

DON PEDRO:

I do but stay till your marriage be consummate,
and then go I toward Aragon.

CLAUDIO:

I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll vouchsafe
me.

DON PEDRO:

Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss(5)
of your marriage as to show a child his new coat and forbid
him to wear it. I will only be bold with Benedick for
his company; for, from the crown of his head to the sole
of his foot, he is all mirth. He hath twice or thrice cut
Cupid's bowstring, and the little hangman dare not shoot(10)
at him. He hath a heart as sound as a bell; and his tongue
is the clapper, for what his heart thinks, his tongue
speaks.

BENEDICK:

Gallants, I am not as I have been.

LEONATO:

So say I. Methinks you are sadder.(15)

CLAUDIO:

I hope he be in love.

DON PEDRO:

Hang him, truant! There's no true drop of blood
in him to be truly touched with love. If he be sad, he
wants money.

BENEDICK:

I have the toothache.(20)

DON PEDRO:

Draw it.

BENEDICK:

Hang it!

CLAUDIO:

You must hang it first and draw it afterwards.

DON PEDRO:

What? sigh for the toothache?

LEONATO:

Where is but a humour or a worm.(25)

BENEDICK:

Well, every one can master a grief, but he that has it.

CLAUDIO:

Yet say I, he is in love.

DON PEDRO:

There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be
a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as to be a
Dutchman to-day, a Frenchman to-morrow; or in the shape(30)
of two countries at once, as a German from the waist downward,
all slops, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no
doublet. Unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears
he hath, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear
he is.(35)

CLAUDIO:

If he be not in love with some woman, there is no
believing old signs. A' brushes his hat o' mornings. What
should that bode?

DON PEDRO:

Hath any man seen him at the barber's?

CLAUDIO:

No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him, and(40)
the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis
balls.

LEONATO:

Indeed he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a
beard.

DON PEDRO:

Nay, a' rubs himself with civet. Can you smell him(45)
out by that?

CLAUDIO:

That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love.

DON PEDRO:

The greatest note of it is his melancholy.

CLAUDIO:

And when was he wont to wash his face?

DON PEDRO:

Yea, or to paint himself? for the which I hear what(50)
they say of him.

DON PEDRO:

Indeed that tells a heavy tale for him. Conclude,
conclude, he is in love.

CLAUDIO:

Nay, but I know who loves him.

DON PEDRO:

That would I know too. I warrant, one that knows(55)
him not.

CLAUDIO:

Yes, and his ill conditions; and in despite of all, dies for
him.

DON PEDRO:

She shall be buried with her face upwards.

BENEDICK:

Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old signior,(60)
walk aside with me. I have studied eight or nine wise words
to speak to you, which these hobby-horses must not hear.

[Exeunt Benedick and Leonato.]

DON PEDRO:

For my life, to break with him about Beatrice!

CLAUDIO:

'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this played
their parts with Beatrice, and then the two bears will not bite(65)
one another when they meet.

Enter [Don] John the Bastard.

DON JOHN:

My lord and brother, God save you.

DON PEDRO:

Good den, brother.

DON JOHN:

If your leisure served, I would speak with you.

DON PEDRO:

In private?(70)

DON JOHN:

If it please you. Yet Count Claudio may hear, for
what I would speak of concerns him.

DON PEDRO:

What's the matter?

DON JOHN:

[To Claudio] Means your lordship to be married
tomorrow?(75)

DON PEDRO:

You know he does.

DON JOHN:

I know not that, when he knows what I know.

CLAUDIO:

If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.

DON JOHN:

You may think I love you not. Let that appear
hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest.(80)
For my brother, I think he holds you well and in dearness
of heart hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage—
surely suit ill spent and labour ill bestowed!

DON PEDRO:

Why, what's the matter?

DON JOHN:

I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances shortened,(85)
for she has been too long atalking of, the lady is
disloyal.

CLAUDIO:

Who? Hero?

DON JOHN:

Even she—Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's
Hero.(90)

CLAUDIO:

Disloyal?

DON JOHN:

The word is too good to paint out her wickedness.
I could say she were worse; think you of a worse title, and
I will fit her to it. Wonder not till further warrant. Go but
with me to-night, you shall see her chamber window(95)
ent'red, even the night before her wedding day. If you
love her then, to-morrow wed her. But it would better fit
your honour to change your mind.

CLAUDIO:

May this be so?

DON PEDRO:

I will not think it.(100)

DON JOHN:

If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that
you know. If you will follow me, I will show you enough;
and when you have seen more and heard more, proceed
accordingly.

CLAUDIO:

If I see anything to-night why I should not marry(105)
her
tomorrow, in the congregation where I should wed, there
will I shame her.

DON PEDRO:

And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join
with thee to disgrace her.(110)

DON JOHN:

I will disparage her no farther till you are my witnesses.
Bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue
show itself.

DON PEDRO:

O day untowardly turned!

CLAUDIO:

O mischief strangely thwarting!(115)

DON JOHN:

O plague right well prevented! So will you say when
you have seen the sequel.

[Exeunt.]