What are the problems in this essay?While I was surfing through the internet, I saw shocking news about divorce in Iran. Recently there has been growing number of divorces across Iran. Studies...

What are the problems in this essay?

While I was surfing through the internet, I saw shocking news about divorce in Iran. Recently there has been growing number of divorces across Iran. Studies demonstrated that there are three main problems which cause family breakups.

First, a frequently mentioned problem by new couples is alcohol or substances abuse. Some partners are very sensitive and impatient.  By the first difficulties of life, they lose their confidence. Instead of finding solutions, they do anything to forget their problems.

A second regular problem is having a child. Sometimes this difficulty did not destroy marriages directly but might magnify other troubles couples may have, Such as financial problems or personal freedom. However, this problem might directly cause divorce when it is reckoning as a result of unbearable family dynamics.

The third and major problem is irresponsibility. This dilemma affected the divorce statistics more than others did. For the most part because the expectations of the age group changed towards home and family as couples moved into the next phase of life, causing a minor problem to become major.

In summary, addiction, child argument, and irresponsibility in most cases breakups the marriages of new couples. It is hoped that by studies and researches the number of divorces decrease.

Asked on by saharm

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Ashley Kannan | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

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From my vantage point, I see several challenges within the essay.  The most primary being that the thesis is not necessarily proven.  It seems that there is a rising number of divorces in Iran.  Yet, the body of the work makes little, if any, mention of problems intrinsic within Iran.  For example, there needs to be discussion of why divorce might be high in Iran.  Perhaps, part of this might lie in the fact that women make up about half of the students in higher education, which might explain why some would advocate for career advancement into which domesticity demands could be supplanted.   A more specific challenge could lie in the first body paragraph.   The idea of alcohol abuse is not specific to Iran.  Any group of people, culture, or nation could find itself susceptible to these challenges.  Just scanning the body of the paper indicates to me no mention of Iran in it.  If the thesis includes it, then the body of the text should prove or discuss it.  It seems to me that this is one fundamental challenge.  Another challenge is that the conclusion does not match the introduction.  The concluding paragraph does little to echo the introduction, creating a sense of disconnect between the two.  Finally, I think that proofreading is needed.  I have done what I can to clean it up, but overall, a more concerted effort to proofread the paper for grammar errors is needed.

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