What do you think of my concluding paragraph on a text-to-text connection on theme?
Being that both novels, Emily Goldberg Learns to Salsa and Bread Givers relate to each other substantially, they have different themes of poverty, background, and heritage. The characters are slightly alike and different. The authors of both novels make it seem very realistic. They share common themes of cultural identity and tradition. Both young girls struggle to find new beginnings and adapt to their culture and environment. Anzia Yezierska and Micol Ostow leads us to meet two young girls who are able to define themselves through their culture and prosper in life.
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Sentence One-- Good topic sentence--I would like to see a transition word at the beginning to signal readers that this is your conclusion.
Sentence 2-- This sentence feels very vague, be more specific on which characters are most similar and why they are similar (address what you already discussed in your previous body paragraphs), something like "Even though Emily and the Smolinsky sisters (or Sara) are naturally different through circumstance, they both strive to find their identity within their Jewish heritage.
Sentence 3: This sentence also feels vague because of the "it." "The authors make it," but what is "it"? Is "it" the characterization of Emily and Sara? Replace "it" with something more defined.
Sentence 4: Who are "they?" The authors? The novels? Sara and Emily? Replace "they" with "The novels." Again--anytime you can get rid of vague pronouns in favor of something more specific, do so!
Sentence 5: I have never been a fan of the "new beginnings" phrase that cropped up some in your other paragraphs as well. It sounds vague too, and a little cheesy. I think if you rephrase that part with some help from the thesaurus, it will have more resonance and meaning for your entire essay.
Sentence 6: I like this sentence and how you refer back to the authors. Change your verb tense from "leads" to "lead," and if it were my essay, I would delete the "in life" from the end of the sentence; I think "prosper" is your stronger thought, and you want to end on a powerful word. 'Life' is not a powerful word--in fact, one of my professors told me to never use it in my writing and to avoid it like the plague. Change "young girls" to "young women," because Emily and Sara really are not "young girls," but are really transitioning into adulthood.
Good thoughts and good concluding paragraph! Remember to keep it as specific and sharp to the point as you possibly can. Think about choosing powerful, meaningful words to strengthen your position.
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