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Try to explain what this paragraph means and rewrite the word choice so that it can be...

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seerboldly | Student, Grade 10 | Salutatorian

Posted August 10, 2013 at 7:33 AM via web

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Try to explain what this paragraph means and rewrite the word choice so that it can be understood

" To be ignorant requires the strength to surpass our will of being free and to not have our actions controlled. To remain sane the human requires the feeling of individuality"

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akannan | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted August 10, 2013 at 8:39 AM (Answer #1)

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In word choice contexts, ensuring that clarity of thought and expression becomes essential.  This is even more valid given the complexity of thought featured in the paragraph.  This is what I formulated:

"To be ignorant, the human requires the strength to suppress the will to be free. To remain sane, the human requires the desire to feel the power of individuality"

I saw the initial paragraph as making a statement on the human condition.  It was phrased in an aphorism- like manner.  Therefore, I tried to construct a word choice in which both sentences mirror one another. In the initial paragraph, the first sentence was more verbose than the second sentence.  In order for the feel of the paragraph to increase in effectiveness, I thought that both sentence structures should mirror one another, while retaining their divergent status.  Accordingly, I eliminated the "to not have our actions controlled."  There is nothing like this in the second sentence, so I think that it had to be eliminated.  Including it creates an imbalance between both sentences.  At the same time, I tried to make the word choice so that it reflected a condition where suppression and desire was posited against one another.

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