Is this a decent start for a critical paper on Aesop's Fable, "the north wind and the sun?"
Gentleness Over Violence
Gentleness is more persuasive than violence. Aesop’s fable, “The North Wind and the Sun,” is a quick story illustrating how much simpler it is to use kindness to solve life’s problems over violence. In it’s few lines, it shows the north wind exhaust all of its effort attempting to blow the jacket off of a poor man walking outside in the elements. However the harder the wind blows, the fiercer the man fights back to keep his jacket on. The wind finally is to tired to blow anymore and the sun agrees to take his turn. He simply shows his face, gives the man a nice big smile and that is enough to warm the man right up. Opposed to getting anger and striking the man with a fierce heat wave for not immediately taking off his coat, he remains calm showing the man a continuing face of happiness. The man eventually is warm enough and just as the sun said, he took his jacket off and slung it over his arm instead.
This story is a great example of how little more then a kind gesture and little patients can persuade another being far faster then mean and or violent behavior. It is a wonderful lesson for life and works all around. Whether you are trying to coax a scared animal out of a hole, or talk a screaming two year old into sharing a toy, kindness and a bit of patients will always get you a lot further in the end.
2 Answers | Add Yours
Looks like you are off to a nice start with your paper. I think I would move your opening sentence ("Gentleness is more persuasive than violence.") to a later point in the paper. That sentence seems out of place in the opening.
Also, if this is supposed to be a critical paper, then I assume you have more critical comments that will follow. As you know, most of what you have done here is summarize the fable.
Also, in the second sentence, one should write it is simpler to use kindness "than violence" rather than "over violence". Comparative words like "simpler" want a "than" (e.g., taller than, shorter than, bigger than, faster than).
In the phrase "In it’s few lines", please change "it's" to "its". "It's" means "it is", which is not what is needed here.
Instead of "it shows", please write "Aesop shows" or "the fable's author shows".
Please place a comma after the word "However".
Instead of "to tired", please write "too tired".
Please place a comma after "big smile".
Please change "and that is" to "which is".
Please change "to getting anger" to "to anger" or "to becoming angry".
Please change "he remains calm" to "the Sun remains calm".
Please place a comma after the word "calm".
Please change the word order on "The man eventually" to "Eventually, the man".
Please change "great example" to "fine example" or "excellent example". "Great" is a rather vague adjective.
Please change "more then" to "more than".
Please change "little patients" to "a little patience".
Please change "then mean" to "than mean".
The phrase "works all around" needs further explanation. I'm not sure what you mean here.
Please change "you are" to "a person is". It may be old-fashioned, but I still don't like being addressed in academic writing.
Please change "a bit of patients" to "a bit of patience". Patients are the people in hospitals.
Please change "get you a lot further" to "achieve more". Please don't address the audience in academic writing.
I do think it's a decent start, and I actually rather like your introductory sentence. It could be moved to later in the essay, but it falls in with theory of 'tell your audience what you're going to explain, explain, tell them what you've explained.'
The first response does a great job of correcting the spelling and grammar errors. I'll add that you should change 'the fiercer the man fights back' to 'the more fiercely the man fights back.' An adverb is called for here as you are describing the way the man fights, not the man himself.
I do have a quibble with the overall format. If this is indeed a start to your essay, you need to open it up to your segue into making further points, going deeper into your theme. Your final paragraph sounds very...er.....final. It's a conclusion, not an invitation to read more of your thoughts.
We’ve answered 317,526 questions. We can answer yours, too.Ask a question