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As a teenagerShould parents still take control of their...

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abgirl | Student, Undergraduate | eNotes Newbie

Posted May 24, 2011 at 6:49 PM via web

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As a teenager

Should parents still take control of their chidren above the age of 18.

 

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pohnpei397 | College Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted May 24, 2011 at 9:57 PM (Answer #2)

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This is going to depend to a great extent on where you live.  Here in the US, practically everyone would say that parents should not still control their kids after they are 18.

Of course, the answer may really depend on what you mean by "control."  When I use that word, I think of parents trying to determine what their children do at each moment--how they dress, who they date, where they go to college.  I don't think parents should truly try to control (in this way) their teens at all.  I think they should teach their teens how to behave properly and I think they should encourage them to do certain things.  But I do not think that they should try to really control what they do with their lives.

So if that is how you are using the word "control," I certainly don't think parents should be trying to do that at age 16, much less age 19.

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amy-lepore | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted May 24, 2011 at 10:22 PM (Answer #3)

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I agree with the post above.  Even though in the United States the general belief is that once one reaches the age of 18, he or she is legally an adult, most parents still care for, worry about, and help their children financially, emotionally, and in many other ways until the parents themselves die.  However, "control" is released when the child/adult moves out of the parents' home.  Of course, there may be some financial control in terms of bank accounts, debit cards, etc., but for the most part, the parental units loosen the ropes and let their children learn on their own.

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abgirl | Student, Undergraduate | eNotes Newbie

Posted May 24, 2011 at 11:19 PM (Answer #4)

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This is going to depend to a great extent on where you live.  Here in the US, practically everyone would say that parents should not still control their kids after they are 18.

Of course, the answer may really depend on what you mean by "control."  When I use that word, I think of parents trying to determine what their children do at each moment--how they dress, who they date, where they go to college.  I don't think parents should truly try to control (in this way) their teens at all.  I think they should teach their teens how to behave properly and I think they should encourage them to do certain things.  But I do not think that they should try to really control what they do with their lives.

So if that is how you are using the word "control," I certainly don't think parents should be trying to do that at age 16, much less age 19.

oh yes just exactly where am heading to.thats nice 2 hear.thank you so much for the luvly reply..

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wannam | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Educator

Posted May 25, 2011 at 3:15 AM (Answer #5)

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The extend to which a parent loosens the ropes might depend on the particular child or the parent's personal beliefs. For example, some parents might wish their children to attend a religious based university rather than a state school. In some cases, a child might not be ready for be 'set free' at age 18. While I agree with post 2 that this is the way parents should respond for most children, I am hesitant to say that it is always wrong for a parent to exert a certain level of control over their children past the age of 18.
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accessteacher | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted May 25, 2011 at 5:28 AM (Answer #6)

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It is very hard to give a universal answer to this question, as each teenager's situation is unique. If as a parent my teen had been responsible throughout their teenage years, I would be happy giving them masses of responsibility when they hit eighteen. If, however, from the very start they had shown themselves to not be able to handle responsibility, I would have to think very carefully about what level of responsibility they are given at that age. Of course, the situation depends a lot on the eighteen year old and what they want to do. If that eighteen year old is leaving to go to college, they will automatically have to make decisions for themselves, so I would not want to interfere in those, but as regards those decisions that impact me and my life, I might want to have a greater say.

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lmetcalf | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Senior Educator

Posted May 25, 2011 at 12:41 PM (Answer #7)

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Nothing magically happens at age 18 that should automatically change how the parents deal with their children.  If the child is responsible and capable, he will be treated in manner that reflects that. I also think this whole issue greatly depends on the financial independence of the child.  As long as the teen is living in his or her parent's home and relies on them for food,  clothing,  shelter and education, then I think the parents have the right to keep the reins to a great degree.

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ask996 | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Senior Educator

Posted May 26, 2011 at 12:21 AM (Answer #8)

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Many of these answers seem to be written from the perspective of an American consciousness. Other countries might have different standards and cultural beliefs. The age of 18 is a legal standard established by the American government. As one poster mentioned, "Nothing magical happens." This is merely the age when most U.S. citizens become legally responsible for themselves. It might be noted, however, that many Americans with cognitive disabilities are and will be looked at as legally responsible for themselves despite the fact that they clearly cannot be held accountable. In cases such as these, the parents must file for guardianship before the child reaches the age of 18 in order to be granted the legal right to watch out for the child.

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swimma-logan | Student, College Freshman | Valedictorian

Posted May 26, 2011 at 1:22 AM (Answer #9)

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Phonpei was all over this one.

However, I think that if you're 18 and in college, and your parents are paying, I believe they should have a say, but ultimately, decisions on how to run your life are in your hands at this point. Post 7 made a good point to; nothing really changed, it's just assumed that you've got enough life experience to manage your own affairs

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lrwilliams | College Teacher | (Level 3) Associate Educator

Posted May 30, 2011 at 1:48 AM (Answer #10)

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I would say that the amount of control over a teenager is determined by each individual teen and their family situation. Most 18 year old teen's are going to be in their final year of high school and getting ready to leave home for college or to take their place in the workforce. As they leave home we are forced to give up control over many areas of their life. Hopefully we have done our job as parents and given them the skills they need to be responsible for themselves.

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