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How can the included sentence be edited for better wording and expression? "1984 and...

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seerboldly | Student, Grade 10 | (Level 1) Salutatorian

Posted September 17, 2013 at 7:23 AM via web

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How can the included sentence be edited for better wording and expression?

"1984 and "The Matrix" were created to challenge the propaganda and control hidden beneath the set of values and ethics that are centred towards their respective zeitgeists."

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cathibee | College Teacher | (Level 1) Assistant Educator

Posted September 17, 2013 at 7:36 AM (Answer #1)

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The original sentence is this: 

"1984 and "The Matrix" were created to challenge the propaganda and control hidden beneath the set of values and ethics that are centred towards their respective zeitgeists."

My first action would be to consider what the main claim is in the sentence.  The claim concerns two piece of art; the book 1984 and the film "The Matrix." The statement considers how these two works challenge establish sets of values and ethics within the period setting of each respective work.  

So, to divulge this information more clearly, I might edit the sentence to offer these ideas as follows: 

"In an environment where certain sets of values and ethics are established by subtle control, 1984 and "The Matrix" offer challenges to these ethics and morals by exposing those at the heart of the controlling force." 

I might add a sentence to make this statement a bit clearer, perhaps to the effect of: 

"In both works, the forces that control propaganda are overthrown to bring new power and freedom to the citizens of the respective worlds.

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