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Please read my poem and give constructive criticisim. Hide and Seek   Hide Someone...

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1Lucy1235813 | Student, Grade 11 | eNoter

Posted November 3, 2012 at 12:37 PM via web

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Please read my poem and give constructive criticisim.

Hide and Seek

 

Hide

Someone shrieks

As he slips

away into the darkness

As he begins his hunt

Stealthily scurrying about in the shadows

Hunting down his prey one by one

With silence his ally always by his side

Whispering their hiding spots to him giving them away

And once they are all found a new game begins 

Tagged with literature, poem, poetry

4 Answers | Add Yours

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ingramh | Student , Undergraduate | eNotes Newbie

Posted November 3, 2012 at 2:40 PM (Answer #1)

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try putting some alliteration and metaphor or similes in there to spruce it up, like (hunting like a lion, catching it's prey one by one) should get you more marks. It's good though!

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nicoledesilva | Student , Grade 9 | Salutatorian

Posted November 3, 2012 at 2:55 PM (Answer #2)

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That's really cool! You made a seemingly harmless game into something.. well, not so harmless.. :)
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bullbudder | Student , Grade 11 | Valedictorian

Posted November 4, 2012 at 11:10 AM (Answer #3)

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good poem man

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bullbudder | Student , Grade 11 | Valedictorian

Posted November 4, 2012 at 1:36 PM (Answer #4)

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this poem is good 

i went thinking about it for about 3 days 

the poem made me sink in its rhyme and wonder a lot of things

and the best part is of the ally always being at his site people trying to be our friends may not be the true ones

the ending makes it even better like when it ends it all starts again

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