Please read my poem and give constructive criticisim. Hide and Seek   Hide Someone shrieks As he slips away into the darkness As he begins his hunt Stealthily scurrying about in the shadows...

Please read my poem and give constructive criticisim.

Hide and Seek

 

Hide

Someone shrieks

As he slips

away into the darkness

As he begins his hunt

Stealthily scurrying about in the shadows

Hunting down his prey one by one

With silence his ally always by his side

Whispering their hiding spots to him giving them away

And once they are all found a new game begins 

2 Answers | Add Yours

nicoledesilva's profile pic

nicoledesilva | Student, Grade 11 | (Level 1) Salutatorian

Posted on

That's really cool! You made a seemingly harmless game into something.. well, not so harmless.. :)
ingramh's profile pic

ingramh | Student, Undergraduate | (Level 1) eNoter

Posted on

try putting some alliteration and metaphor or similes in there to spruce it up, like (hunting like a lion, catching it's prey one by one) should get you more marks. It's good though!

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