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Please read my poem and give constructive criticisim. Hide and Seek   Hide Someone...

1Lucy1235813's profile pic

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Please read my poem and give constructive criticisim.

Hide and Seek

 

Hide

Someone shrieks

As he slips

away into the darkness

As he begins his hunt

Stealthily scurrying about in the shadows

Hunting down his prey one by one

With silence his ally always by his side

Whispering their hiding spots to him giving them away

And once they are all found a new game begins 

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ingramh's profile pic

Posted (Answer #1)

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try putting some alliteration and metaphor or similes in there to spruce it up, like (hunting like a lion, catching it's prey one by one) should get you more marks. It's good though!

nicoledesilva's profile pic

Posted (Answer #2)

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That's really cool! You made a seemingly harmless game into something.. well, not so harmless.. :)

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