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 Please give me suggestions on how to improve this essay based on Shylock from The...

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rainbow224 | Student, Grade 11 | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted May 1, 2013 at 3:14 PM via web

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 Please give me suggestions on how to improve this essay based on Shylock from The Merchant of Venice.

Body Paragraph 6:

Every morning I woke up and asked myself, “Will something change eventually?” My Jewish brothers gave me faith to continue as they all had similar experiences. They taught me that I had to move on or I would just be a doomed soul living in an earthly hell. Day after day, I tried to go one step ahead into coming back to my senses and that’s when I met Leah.

Body Paragraph 7:

Words are not powerful enough to describe her beauty. Altruistic and humble, just listening to her soothed me. She taught me that failure is simply a stepping-stone on your way to success. It was Leah who kept me on my feet. I was able to treasure and count on a person again. My wounds were healed and tormenting memories of the past were sealed; sealed with her love and kind-heartedness. Despite difficulties, we were able to conquer them together.

Body Paragraph 8: 

An exquisite ring was given to me by Leah that meant the world to me. It held our love, our agony! I held onto the ring tighter than anything else. Leah and I soon were married and she gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Jessica. I believed that my life was complete; nothing would ever taint our happiness again. I was soon proven wrong when Jessica was one year old and Leah was killed during the various attacks on the Jewish community. Hatred was all I could feel.

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durbanville | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted May 1, 2013 at 6:22 PM (Answer #1)

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The Merchant of Venice has central characters and then other characters that help to build the plot. Although, Leah, assumed to be Shylock's late wife, never makes an appearance, the audience hear about her when Jessica, intent on disgracing her father, takes the ring and sells it. it is significant as the event gives the audience a chance to see Shylock as a person rather than judging him simply because he is a Jew, a"devil." This introduces a more human element to Shylock's character.

The audience can relate to Shylock's pain and even his hatred. In your essay, by remaining detached, Shylock then can reach the reader. You can imagine the readers nodding their heads in agreement that, after a cruel and unnecessary death - especially the beloved Leah - a man would certainly experience pain and even hate.

Short paragraphs present ideas - especially in an essay so full of drama - and remind the readers of their own   disappointments  and pain, even hatred. Hopefully, by now, the readers of the letter are beginning to wonder if Shylock has been treated too harshly.      

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