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Please give me suggestions about how to improve this movie review.Body paragraph...

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rainbow224 | Student, Grade 11 | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted November 11, 2012 at 1:17 PM via web

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Please give me suggestions about how to improve this movie review.

Body paragraph 1&2:

3rd Rock from the Sun revolves around four main characters as they confront problems pertaining human conditions. In the cast, there are the selfish high commander Dick (John Lithgow), the lieutenant Sally (Kristen Johnston), Tommy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) who is disguised as a teenager, and the transmitter (Harry) who’s with them because they had an extra seat in the spaceship. The main actors are also surrounded by the other characters that are excellently portrayed by the actors and are realistic and engaging. 

The episode “Moby Dick” serves as a great entertainment with its splendid cast and numerous plot twists. The episode follows the story of Dick’s and Tommy’s interpersonal relationships and the problems resulting from them that they deal with by emotional eating. After Dick and Dr. Albright’s relationship comes to an end, Dick’s eating habits altered as he became a glutton for food. As Dick notices that he has gained  an enormous amount of weight, he commences dieting, exercising and attending support groups only to find himself that he has been “filling an emotion void with food” to compensate missing Marry. Tommy believes that August is cheating on him so he hires a crime novel buff Harry to be his private eye.  Dick and Tommy dominate the scenes as they encounter relationship issues that they attempt to resolve with food.

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rrteacher | College Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted November 11, 2012 at 2:32 PM (Answer #1)

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I have listed a few recommended changes (mostly grammatical) below:

  • The first sentence should read "pertaining to" human conditions. 
  • You should mention the name of the actor who plays the role of transmitter. You did so for the other characters. 
  • The first sentence of paragraph two should read "serves as great entertainment." Alternatively, you could reword it to something like "is great entertainment" or "is highly entertaining," which are stronger sentences.
  • The sentence beginning with "The episode follows the story..." should probably be broken into more than one sentence. 
  • "Dick's eating habits altered" should read something like "are altered" or simply "Dick's eating habits change."
  • Eliminate "himself" from the phrase "only to find himself" and change "compensate" to "compensate for." "Marry" should be "Mary."
  • The next sentence should probably be changed to something like "he hires Harry, a crime novel buff..."

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