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How can this essay be improved?Research into the media and violence demonstrate that...

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rainbow224 | Student, Grade 11 | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted October 30, 2012 at 9:02 AM via web

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How can this essay be improved?

Research into the media and violence demonstrate that high levels of contact to violence through media like constant viewing of violence on television links to the increased probability of children behaving violently in the long-term.  Throughout this essay, the four misleading representations promoted in the episode of The Simpsons, Cape Feare, and the linked consequences on young people will be analysed.

Television is a powerful influence in developing values and behaviours of viewers and research have shown that extensive viewing of misleading televisions violence by children will lead them to a conclusion that violence is justified.  An example of this can be seen in The Simpsons, when Sideshow Bob’s parole hearing is held and the courtroom votes on who want to kill Selma based on her personality.  This scene does not necessarily cause a child to behave violently, but it contributes to promoting the idea that violence is acceptable and fosters greater acceptance of violence as a means of conflict resolution. 

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thanatassa | College Teacher | (Level 2) Educator Emeritus

Posted October 30, 2012 at 9:55 AM (Answer #1)

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A statement such as "Research into ... demonstrate[s]" must be supported. In other words, you need to cite the specific research studies you have read. You should also narrow your topic so that you can adequately survey all relevant research. Since there is far to much research on violence and media for you to read for anything less than a PhD dissertation, you need to narrow your topic so that you can read the relevant research in scholarly journals, and summarize it with specific citations.

One strength is that you are making an effort to incorporate the terms used in the discipline, but at times this leads to excessive use of passive voice and several agreement errors.

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