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Based on an assigment that is to analyze artifacts of a specific home, please offer...
Topic: Essay Lab
Based on an assigment that is to analyze artifacts of a specific home, please offer editing insight into the following paragraph.
Integrating inferences of artifacts found from House #3
House #3 presented various artifacts that helped us build inferences about the family that resided in the house. Firstly, the family was a couple consisting of a man and a woman. The couple wore higher-end clothes; Higher-end clothes are expensive, meaning they are often high-quality so they require special maintenance, such as dry cleaning. The fifth artifact, dry cleaning bills, shows us that the couple was concerned about the clothes they wore. It also shows they were concerned about their hygiene and appearance. This is additionally proven by the seventh and eighth artifacts. The seventh artifact is described as a small piece object with sharp steel edges; this fits the description of a razor, a sharp-edged instrument often used by men for shaving the face. This means the man took care of his appearance and hygiene. The eighth artifact was described as a small designed bottle with remains of sweet, pretty smelling substance; this fits the description of a perfume bottle. Perfume is a substance which emits fragrance, used to enhance beauty and cleanliness; the artifact consists of some sweet, pretty smelling substance- this description sounds feminine, therefore the perfume belonged to the woman. This proves that the woman also took care of her appearance and hygiene. Other artifacts tell us about the interests of the couple; the fourth artifact included various magazines; Time and MacLeans’ are magazines containing news about current events and politics. Typically, more men than woman tend to read these types of magazine- this suggests that the man was interested in current and politics. Lady’s Home Journal and Chatelaine are magazines of women’s lifestyle; specially, Lady’s Home Journal contains an extensive section on cooking recipes and fitness, while Chatelaine focuses on fashion, health and beauty. This tells us that the woman had an interest in fashion, fitness, and was health-conscious. She could have also had a hobby of cooking due to the Lady’s Home Journal.
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Middle School Teacher
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The original question had to be edited. This paragraph is fairly solid. Some small points to make that could make it even stronger. One such area would be to replace "Firstly" with "Initially" or another word that indicates the commencement of points to be made. When the discussion moves into "higher end clothes," I think that there has to be more analysis offered. What are "higher end clothes?" What artifacts from the couple can constitute "higher end clothes?" This has to be addressed in specific detail from the family's belongings because it seems like it occupies a major part of the paragraph.
There is a causal linking of behavior and economic class that might need to be explained more. For example, there seems to be an implicit connection that dry cleaning indicates a position of status or wealth. More detail is needed here. It might be valid, but I sense more detail is required that explains how the behavior of dry cleaning clothes is reflective of "higher end" tastes or cultural capital that reflects upper echelons. Finally, the discussion of magazines is good, but I felt it's rooted in cultural stereotype. The use of current events magazines might fit a more masculine stereotype and lifestyle magazines might fit a more feminine one. What is seen in this family from specific artifacts that support or reject this idea? I think that more here is needed before a link that makes the stereotype valid is offered.
Posted by akannan on June 10, 2013 at 8:12 AM (Answer #1)
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