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Plasee give me suggestions about how to improve this essay about television...

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rainbow224 | Student, Grade 11 | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted October 20, 2012 at 2:51 AM via web

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Plasee give me suggestions about how to improve this essay about television violence.

Research into the media and violence constantly inform that high levels of contact to violence through media like constant viewing of violence on television links to the increased probability of children behaving violently in the long-term.  Throughout this essay, the four misleading representations promoted in the episode of The Simpsons, Cape Feare, and the linked consequences on young people will be analysed.

Televisions are a powerful influence in developing values and behaviours of viewers and research have shown that extensive viewing of misleading televisions violence by children will lead them to a concept that violence is justified.  An example of this can be seen in The Simpsons, when Sideshow Bob’s parole hearing is held and the courtroom votes on who want to kill Selma based morally on her personality.  This scene does not necessarily cause a child to behave violent, but it contributed to promoting the idea that violence is acceptable and fosters greater acceptance of violence as a means of conflict resolution. Furthermore, the repetition of misleading violence displayed in media will cause children to be desensitized.

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rrteacher | College Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted October 20, 2012 at 3:02 AM (Answer #1)

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The words "constantly inform" in the first line probably should be changed to something like "have shown" or "demonstrate." Also, Cape Fear has no "e" at the end. Additionally, since I believe you are referring to a specific episode of the Simpsons, the one that parodied the film Cape Fear, it should be in quotation marks, i.e. "Cape Fear." 

In the second paragraph, "televisions are" should be changed to "television is," and the sentence ending with "who wants to kill Selma based morally on her personality" seems very awkward. I think you could eliminate the word "morally." Finally, you should change "behave violent" to "behave violently." 

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