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Is this a strong thesis statement for documented essay regarding why I think there...

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robinruel | Student, College Freshman | eNotes Newbie

Posted November 6, 2009 at 10:21 PM via web

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Is this a strong thesis statement for documented essay regarding why I think there should be no healthcare for illegal aliens?

Illegal aliens should be restricted from free healthcare in the United States because it is a tremendous debit to the healthcare. welfare and school systems.

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pohnpei397 | College Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted November 6, 2009 at 10:35 PM (Answer #1)

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This is not bad, but I do have a few comments:

First of all, I don't think "restricted from free health care" is how I would put it.  The word "restricted" may not be strong enough or clear enough for what you are saying.  Perhaps "Illegal aliens should not be given free health care" or "Illegal aliens should not receive free health care."

Second, I wouldn't use the word "debit to" -- it just doesn't sound natural to me.  I'd say "burden on."

But those are both just stylistic things.  Here's my major issue here:

I don't think you should mention the school system or (maybe) the welfare system.  Your thesis is about health care, not about schools and welfare.  Health care is, for the most part, separate from those other two systems.

You might want to argue that providing free health care is bad because it encourages illegal aliens to stay and that puts a burden on welfare and schools, but the health care itself does not burden those systems directly.

So I'd edit this to say "Illegal aliens should not be allowed to receive free health care in the United States because that care is a tremendous burden upon the health care system."

Or maybe "... because it encourages them to stay in the country where they are a burden upon the health care, welfare, and school systems."

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krishna-agrawala | College Teacher | (Level 3) Valedictorian

Posted November 7, 2009 at 12:35 AM (Answer #2)

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The thesis statement according to me is weak on two counts. First, the debit or the cost of any welfare system cannot be an argument against the welfare. Any such decision has to be based on consideration of cost as well as benefits. The thesis statement considers cost in isolation without any reference to the corresponding benefits.

Second, I do not think that the cost of health care for the illegal aliens will be significant as their total number is quite small as compared to the total number of people eligible. Also it will be worthwhile checking out on the contribution of the illegal aliens to the GDP of the country, and comparing it to that of athers availaing such benefits.

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jseligmann | High School Teacher | (Level 2) Associate Educator

Posted November 7, 2009 at 8:47 AM (Answer #3)

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Your first sentence should be:

Illegal aliens should be restricted from receiving free healthcare in the United States.

Or:

Illegal aliens should not receive free healthcare in the United States.

(The first sentence is more complicated and more difficult to support, because it may suggest some wiggle room in relation to certain restrictions vis a vis an outright ban. If so, you will need to talk about that wiggle room. The second sentence is straight forward; you are squarely against it. If you are, then take a stand and say so.)

Your next sentence should define what you mean exactly by the term "illegal aliens." Does it include all non-documented individuals from other countries? Does it include their children? All or some of those children? How about the children who may have been born in the United States to illegal aliens? In the next paragraph, you should do your best to discuss the provisions of the new healthcare bill in its eventual and most likely form.

In the next two or more paragraphs, you should come up with good, well-researched and cited reasons, one reason per well-worded and argued paragraph, that support your idea that illegal aliens should not be given free healthcare.

Your last paragraph should be a thoughtful summary of the points you have made.

Best of luck to you.

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readerofbooks | College Teacher | (Level 2) Educator Emeritus

Posted November 11, 2009 at 7:05 AM (Answer #4)

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The good thing about your thesis statement is that it is clear and to the point. But you would need some more supporting evidence apart from monetary concerns. This makes your argument seem very one-sided. All good thesis statement need to have many good reasons, not just one. Also it should also consider the opposing views, especially if these opposing view may contradict your main point. Can't one argue that illegal immigrants play a vital role in the economy? For example, if you take out illegal workers from NYC, this will be very hurtful to the economy. Also, how about moral issues? I think you get the point. Elaborate more and anticipate what your readers may think in response.

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