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Please correct the following Thesis Statement: "The fall of Jerusalem in A.D. 70 and...

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kierank94 | eNotes Newbie

Posted February 28, 2013 at 4:37 PM via web

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Please correct the following Thesis Statement: "The fall of Jerusalem in A.D. 70 and the devastating effects on its people."

I'm having a silly little problem turning this sentence into a complete sentence; would someone please be able to help me with this? It's for my research paper, and it is making me a little impatient.

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durbanville | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted February 28, 2013 at 5:13 PM (Answer #1)

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A thesis statement should give you a good place to work from. If it is too general it is difficult to develop.

To correct the existing statement which would then be grammatically correct and suitable for use from "The fall of Jerusalem in A.D. 70 and the devastating effects on its people" you could simply say "The fall of Jerusalem in A.D.70 had a devastating effect on its people." It would perhaps be better to take your idea and adjust it a little so that it  

will control the direction and development of the paper

 such as,

The fall of Jerusalem in A.D.70 had a devastating effect on its people, who lacked the leadership skills to face battle, and their poor discipline prevented them from facing the enemy effectively; thereby crushing their resistance.  

Sources:

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kierank94 | eNotes Newbie

Posted February 28, 2013 at 5:17 PM (Answer #2)

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A thesis statement should give you a good place to work from. If it is too general it is difficult to develop.

To correct the existing statement which would then be grammatically correct and suitable for use from "The fall of Jerusalem in A.D. 70 and the devastating effects on its people" you could simply say "The fall of Jerusalem in A.D.70 had a devastating effect on its people." It would perhaps be better to take your idea and adjust it a little so that it  

will control the direction and development of the paper

 such as,

The fall of Jerusalem in A.D.70 had such a devastating effect on its people who lacked the leadership skills to face battle and their poor discipline prevented them from facing the enemy effectively; thereby crushing their resistance.  


Thank you for your help! I have no clue why I didn't think of building onto it like that. My own ignorance has blinded me. Thank you very much for taking the time to help me.

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