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How can this introduction be better? Can you correct anything in it ?General...

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rose637150 | Student, Undergraduate | eNotes Newbie

Posted April 4, 2012 at 8:08 AM via web

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How can this introduction be better? Can you correct anything in it ?

General statement: A mockingbird is a symbol for people who have done nothing wrong but who are harmed by society.

Connect the general statement to society: Based on reality, there are many people who are very pure and do not commit any crimes or violence. These people are innocent. However, many of these people represent the mockingbirds because many of these people are innocents but are harmed by society even if they have done nothing wrong.

Connect societal statement to the text: The title of Harper Lee's novel To Kill a Mockingbird is significant in that while it is considered a sin to kill a mockingbird, Harper Lee tries to show the characters that resemble the mockingbirds throughout the novel.

I am writing an essay about mockingbirds in the novel To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. SO THIS IS WHAT I HAVE, IS THERE ANYTHING I SHOULD CHANGE IN IT?

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schulzie | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator

Posted April 5, 2012 at 1:51 AM (Answer #1)

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First of all, a mockingbird is a symbol of something that brings nothing but pleasure and joy into our society and does us no harm. They are not necessarily harmed by society.  It is a sin to harm a mockingbird because they cause no harm to us and bring us only joy.

Connecting:  You might want to add some examples in this paragraph. How are the pure of heart harmed by society?  How do they add pleasure to the world.  Can you give me an example?  Your statement is very general, so it lacks punch. If you want to be convincing, you have to add something more concrete that people can visualize.  Perhaps a minister who does nothing but good for the society but is hampered by prejudice --- someone who doesn't like a black church or a Jewish synagogue and vandalizes the church or puts editorials in the newspaper.   If you could find an actual example, it would be really powerful.  

Connect to the text: Again, you need to add specific examples. You say that the author "tries to show characters that resemble the mockingbirds".  Which characters?  Who specifically?  You might want to look at Miss Maudie, or use the ultimate example with Tom Robinson.  He did nothing but good for Maybelle, and yet she sent him to prison.  Find examples of the good he did for Maybelle: cutting her wood, helping her in the yard etc..

I have gone through and corrected your capitalization and spelling.  Please be careful with this.  It does interrupt the reading.  A study was done of teachers, and it was found that the harder the paper is to read, the lower the grade. The teachers didn't do it on purpose, it was just a result of difficult reading.  Good luck.

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