I was having trouble forming an thesis and wanted to know if this was okay?
Human trafficking has become an international issue where individuals are being exploited against their will for economical purposes through events such as forced prostitution, sexual exploitation of children and through forced sweatshop/factory labor.
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I think your thesis sounds pretty good. It could use a little tinkering. I might rephrase it to read something like this:
- Human trafficking has become an international issue because helpless individuals all over the world are being exploited for financial enrichment through outrages such as forced prostitution, sexual abuse of children, and forced labor in sweatshop conditions.
I don't think you should use "exploited" and "exploitation" in the same sentence, which means I think you need some other word to describe the sexual (something) of children. I'm not sure that I like "sexual abuse."
"Events" is the wrong word choice.
Forced prostitution actually includes prostitution of children, so you might say:
- ...through such outrages as forced prostitution, including the marketing of children for sadistic sexual abuse, and through slave labor in sweatshops.
I have changed forced labor to slave labor because you used "forced" in "forced prostitution."
I hope this is helpful and not confusing.
It sounds like a very interesting thesis, certainly one well worth exploring but I agree with the above poster than you should consider tinkering with the proposal statement. I would caution against using inflammatory language in a thesis – you are a researcher, you are not supposed to have an agenda, you are supposed to be looking at the issue with dispassion but intellectual rigor. Everyone knows these things are terrible but giving them inflammatory descriptions colour your thesis and makes the research seem less legitimate and more like a crusade.
Consider something like:
- Human trafficking has become an international issue where individuals are being exploited for economical purposes. This is facilitated by illegal economic ventures such as forced prostitution, sexual exploitation of children, illegal indentured servitude, and illegal sweatshop/factory labor.
Faciliated: These are not the only ways in which human trafficking takes place, so facilitated indicates that these are contributing factors.
Exploitation – speaks to ignorance or force- you don’t need to say ‘against their wills’
illegal sweatshop/factory labor – In some countries working as a child or in those conditions is legal, it doesn’t make it morally palatable but this is a law and politics essay and should really only examine legally/politically viable issues, not ones offend our sensibilities. So demarcating ‘illegal’ servitude and factory work differentiates it from those countries in which it is legal.
I would caution against ascribing words like sadistic to sexual abuse, because not all sexual abuse is sadistic since sadism has a specific legal description into which not all sexual acts fall
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