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Hi, Ok my thesis statement in my essay is way to GENERAL, and i have already written 6...

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paradee1111 | Student, Grade 9 | (Level 2) eNoter

Posted November 7, 2011 at 8:49 AM via web

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Hi, Ok my thesis statement in my essay is way to GENERAL, and i have already written 6 pages already!!!!!!!!!!! here is my thesis/ idk  

Friendship means different things to different people, and sometimes it is something that has to be learned or experienced. The writers Katherine Mansfield, Janet Frame and David Malouf, are more willing to go into detail about personal issues, and how friendships enables a person to learn relationship skills that relates to a readers point of view

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ab12cd34 | Student, Grade 9 | eNotes Newbie

Posted November 7, 2011 at 11:12 AM (Answer #2)

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girl, calm down, you are doing an essay for a grade 9 teacher, try something tike this:

 

thesis statement= explain an aspect of your big main idea + 3 reasons in general to support your thinking-(THIS SHOULD BE ALL IN ONE SENTENCE)

 

e.g. the hit thriller film, jaws, is an exemplary suspense film because steven spielberg, the director, uses a variety of cinematography, music and background lighting tocreate the element of suspense in this film.

 

this will gaurentee you a level 4 on your thesis- if you follw what i said

 

also an essay should never be 6 pages long, an essay is short, sweet, and to the point.

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wordprof | College Teacher | (Level 3) Senior Educator

Posted November 7, 2011 at 11:53 PM (Answer #3)

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The secret to a good thesis statement and a good opening paragraph is the funnel.  “OF ALL THE SUBJECTS IN THE WORLD I COULD TALK ABOUT,I WANT TO TALK ABOUT xxxxx, and to concentrate on the detail yyyyyyyyy, to determine if there is evidence that zzzzzzzzzz.”  Your xxxxxx is the three novelists; your yyyyyyyyy is personal issues’ details, your zzzzzzzzzzzz is your thesis statement: “The friendships revealed by these details, which relate to the reader’s point of view, enable the reader to learn relationship skills applicable to his or own life.”   This is still a little awkward (because I’m not sure what you mean by “reader’s point of view”), but if you devote the next paragraph to an explanation of what you mean by that phrase, you should be in good shape.  Good luck!

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ask996 | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Senior Educator

Posted November 8, 2011 at 12:06 AM (Answer #4)

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First of all, let’s clarify the concept of a thesis statement. This statement should be your main idea—what you’re trying to prove, but that being said, the thesis statement MUST be something arguable. If it’s not, there’s really nothing to prove is there?

 

Next, let’s look at your first sentence. You use too many words when fewer would say the same thing and narrow your focus.

 

Friendship means different things to different people, and sometimes it is something that has to be learned or experienced.

Next, your thesis is not really arguable as the authors you mentioned do seem to focus on “personal issues” and “friendships.” There is nothing to prove in your statement.

Switch it to something you have to prove such as:

In their works, authors Katherine Mansfield, Janet Frame and David Malouf, show friendship to be the best venue for resolving the personal issues to which all readers can relate.

You now have options for organizing your essay. 1)You can develop a section on each author and how he or she develops this in writing; or 2)You can develop a different section for the different “personal issues” and show how the three authors address the individual issue.

 

 

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litteacher8 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Distinguished Educator

Posted January 18, 2012 at 3:06 AM (Answer #5)

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If you have written that much, you have a good start.  Now we just need to whittle it down.  I suggest going through your essay with three different colored highlighters.  Choose three good ideas and highlight them in one color for each idea.  Then for your thesis, relate them together in a meaningful way.  Use only what is colored in your essay.

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