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Help with Introduction. Sentence. How Can I Make It Sound Better? We've all heard of "A...

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Parker101 | Student, Undergraduate | eNoter

Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:15 AM via web

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Help with Introduction. Sentence. How Can I Make It Sound Better?

We've all heard of "A family is a haven in a heartless world." Unfortunately, father of the house, Willy Loman, does not the criteria of being trustworthy.

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William Delaney | (Level 3) Educator Emeritus

Posted February 27, 2013 at 1:03 AM (Answer #2)

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I think you've got the right idea but that you haven't really made yourself clear. You don't have to say that we've all heard, etc. I think it would be better to say

A family is supposed to be a haven of peace, comfort and security in a heartless world. Unfortunately, Willy Loman, because of his fecklessness and infidelity, fails to uphold his central position as head of the household.

That is just a sort of rough suggestion. I don't know whether you are blaming Willy just for being unfaithful to his wife or whether you are blaming him for being a daydreamer and a poor provider as well. It seems to me that if he were a better provider, his little extramarital affairs wouldn't seem so terrible.

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