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Help reword and amplify word choice to make the quote fit and increase the flow of the...

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seerboldly | Student, Grade 10 | (Level 1) Salutatorian

Posted August 31, 2013 at 1:36 PM via web

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Help reword and amplify word choice to make the quote fit and increase the flow of the sentence.

This imaginative scenario is ruled by a totalitarian government that controls what truths are, so lies can become truths. “Who controls the past controls the future” reality is non existence according to the government which is confirmed by how this world of ineffable illusions is passed off as reality by the citizens because of either fear or ignorance.  

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Ashley Kannan | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted August 31, 2013 at 1:55 PM (Answer #1)

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Given the context of Orwell's work, I thought that some level of rework was needed.  The new version is a bit different from the original:

In this imaginative scenario, a totalitarian government controls what it deems to be the truth.  This extends to dictating what is viewed as the past, present, and future.  Within this setting, the idea of “who controls the past controls the future” is non- existent.  A world where lies can become truth is the reality, a state of being where those in the position of power are able to pass off ineffable illusions as reality.  Citizens are forced to accept this reality because of fear and ignorance. 

One of the first changes I made to was to eliminate the use of passive voice in starting the paragraph.  Making the totalitarian government an active agent of action helps to set the tone for the paragraph.  The quote was a bit challenging, so I added a sentence that could transition between its power to determine truth and its control over time.  This enabled the ability to invoke the idea of "lies becoming truth."  On first glance, such an idea can appear cliched, so backing it up with the use of illusions helped to substantiate it.  The ending of the paragraph features the effect on the citizens, something that brought an effective tone to its conclusion.

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