Homework Help

Should I get married if I am not sure the person makes me happy?My friend asked me to...

user profile pic

loraaa | Student | Valedictorian

Posted March 29, 2012 at 1:05 PM via web

dislike 0 like
Should I get married if I am not sure the person makes me happy?

My friend asked me to marry, Do I accept the marriage of my friend or what?

 But I do not feel happy.
 Is this feeling normal?
 Do I have to be happy?
 I do not know ... I love him or not, but I know he loves me.

 I loved a boy in the past, but I do not know where he is today?
 What do I do??
 Please help me.
 I can not think of anything, just "this boy."

 I did not think of "This Boy" before today, but I do not know what is happend to me?

12 Answers | Add Yours

user profile pic

loraaa | Student | Valedictorian

Posted March 29, 2012 at 1:08 PM (Answer #2)

dislike 0 like

I always cry, My friend is a good man.
I do not know what to do?

help me, please...

user profile pic

pohnpei397 | College Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted March 29, 2012 at 1:15 PM (Answer #3)

dislike 0 like

I can't see marrying someone that I don't really love.  But I don't know what your cultural background is.  If that is normal for your culture, then maybe.  But I could not imagine accepting a marriage proposal (or making one, as a man) if the thought of marrying the person did not make me happy.

user profile pic

litteacher8 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Distinguished Educator

Posted March 29, 2012 at 2:06 PM (Answer #4)

dislike 0 like
It is normal to feel this way. I know you have spoken in the past about a boy you used to love. Just because someone loves you does not mean that you should love him back. You do not need to marry him. Explain to him that you need some time to think about it. You do not have to tell him you don't love him. You should take some time to figure it out. You do not need to feel pressure to make a decision now. If he really does love you, he will give you space to figure things out.
user profile pic

lmetcalf | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Senior Educator

Posted March 29, 2012 at 2:25 PM (Answer #5)

dislike 0 like

The first comment of your post speaks volumes! You are not happy!! If the prospect of marrying this man doesn't make you happy in some way, then that is your heart or your gut telling you this isn't the right thing to do. The other boy you loved in the past is in your thoughts now, because you say you "loved" him, which you cannot say (or did not say) about the man who proposed. You need to think long and hard about such a life-changing decision, especially if you already feel this conflicted.

user profile pic

loraaa | Student | Valedictorian

Posted March 29, 2012 at 2:53 PM (Answer #6)

dislike 0 like

I can't see marrying someone that I don't really love.  But I don't know what your cultural background is.  If that is normal for your culture, then maybe.  But I could not imagine accepting a marriage proposal (or making one, as a man) if the thought of marrying the person did not make me happy.

I am like you...!!!

but,,, What is the relationship between cultural background and my problem?!!!

and thank you 2#

 

user profile pic

loraaa | Student | Valedictorian

Posted March 29, 2012 at 3:42 PM (Answer #7)

dislike 0 like
thanks 4# and 5#
user profile pic

lsumner | High School Teacher | (Level 2) Senior Educator

Posted March 29, 2012 at 11:59 PM (Answer #8)

dislike 0 like

It sounds to me as if you are not in love. For this reason, I could not accept a marriage proposal. Marriage is difficult even when you are in love. It takes a lot of give and take. Making a marriage last requires hard work and major effort. If you do not love someone, it will be difficult to make a marriage work. 

user profile pic

pacorz | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Educator

Posted March 30, 2012 at 4:23 AM (Answer #9)

dislike 0 like

#8 says it very well. Relationships are generally much more fun at the very beginning. If the relationship does not make you happy now, then chances are it never will.

You have a lifetime ahead of you; this is probably not a decision you need to make right now. You should tell the boy that you are not feeling ready to make this decision yet.  If he loves you he will wait for you to figure things out.

You should be living in the present, concentrating on finishing high school, and enjoying being there. Tomorrow will come, whether you worry about it or not. Enjoy today and take things slowly.

user profile pic

mjay25 | Student, Graduate | Valedictorian

Posted March 30, 2012 at 8:23 AM (Answer #10)

dislike 0 like

Your friend asked you to marry, but do you really want to get married right now, and is this what you want, or only because a good friend is encouraging you to do so now?

It seems that you feel some pressure to accept the marriage.

Marriage is a serious responsibility, and you have to think if you want to undertake that right now or not, or would you rather wait?

It's better not to take hasty decisions, especially if you don't feel happy.

You also shouldn't marry someone only because they love you and you don't necessarily love them.

 

Can you imagine living your whole life with them?

 

My advice to you would be to think about what you want to do, would you like to continue your studies after high school, what profession would you like to have etc? - and when you feel happy with someone, see whether they would support you in what you want to do. But you decide what you want to do, don't let others decide for you.

 

All the best!

 

user profile pic

litteacher8 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Distinguished Educator

Posted March 30, 2012 at 9:34 AM (Answer #11)

dislike 0 like

I can't see marrying someone that I don't really love.  But I don't know what your cultural background is.  If that is normal for your culture, then maybe.  But I could not imagine accepting a marriage proposal (or making one, as a man) if the thought of marrying the person did not make me happy.

I am like you...!!!

but,,, What is the relationship between cultural background and my problem?!!!

and thank you 2#

 

Sometimes in certain cultures arranged marriages are more common.  The poster was trying to be sensitive to the fact that you may not actually have a choice. I hope you do!

user profile pic

loraaa | Student | Valedictorian

Posted March 30, 2012 at 10:02 AM (Answer #12)

dislike 0 like

I can't see marrying someone that I don't really love.  But I don't know what your cultural background is.  If that is normal for your culture, then maybe.  But I could not imagine accepting a marriage proposal (or making one, as a man) if the thought of marrying the person did not make me happy.

I am like you...!!!

but,,, What is the relationship between cultural background and my problem?!!!

and thank you 2#

 

Sometimes in certain cultures arranged marriages are more common.  The poster was trying to be sensitive to the fact that you may not actually have a choice. I hope you do!

I have a Western culture, but this does not preclude the existence of problems...!!!

is this true???

user profile pic

elekzy | Student, Grade 11 | Valedictorian

Posted April 4, 2012 at 12:19 PM (Answer #13)

dislike 0 like

NO!!!! but.......:)

Join to answer this question

Join a community of thousands of dedicated teachers and students.

Join eNotes