What would be an accurate job description of an agent of the U.S. Handicapper General?
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Wanted: A dedicated and experienced government agent, who fully supports the equal rights movement, with all of its clauses and enforcements. Must be willing to travel on site, obey orders immediately and without question, and make difficult and painful decisions in a split-second. Must be average-looking and able to blend with the masses without suspicion, and good at spotting extraordinary traits in others, even if they are trying to hide them. Must be trained in covert spying operations, and willing to report deficiencies in the system immediately. Firearms training with sniper skills is a bonus. Salary is DOE, but most likely to be an equal average of all other agents. Benefits are good, but not great, and you should be happy with that. Career progress is not likely; must be willing to spend your life wallowing in mediocrity in the name of equality. If interested, apply to the General Handicapper's office. Bring a standard-issue resume and lukewarm references.
This job is not for the faint of heart. Must be committed to the cause of complete and restricted equality in all things--and willing to act as enforcer of the law when necessary. You are judge, jury, and executioner in all things dealing with handicaps and equality.
A perfectly average person wanted. Those too intelligent or too stupid may need not apply. Your job will be to ensure the equality of our society through deciding who needs handicaps and what kind of handicaps are called for given a person's strengths and abilities.
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