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How to make a friend feel appreciated.One of my friends, being a student, have a...

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scorpio37 | Student, Grade 9 | Salutatorian

Posted April 10, 2012 at 6:13 PM via web

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How to make a friend feel appreciated.

One of my friends, being a student, have a feeling that she's not being appreciated for the work she does. Not bragging about her, but although she's responsible, punctual, kind - she's not being recognized. And this does discourages her. What should I do to help her? Morevover, teachers in her school are really biased - Remember that saying - First Impression is the best impression. Well for her, she sort of gave away her first impression to a friend.  Any ideas to make her feel better??

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e-martin | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted April 10, 2012 at 7:24 PM (Answer #2)

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Maybe you can ask your friend to help you on a project or partner with you. Being asked for advice or help can make a person feel respected and valued. 

Or, maybe you can print out a certificate of achievement for your friend, frame it and give it to her. This might be a bit "corny" but it should get the message across that you value her talents and abilities even if others do not. 

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catd1115 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Assistant Educator

Posted April 10, 2012 at 11:26 PM (Answer #3)

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Good for you for being so concerned about the feelings of another student! This is probably not what you want to hear, but if the relationship with the teacher is the problem, then that is what she needs to address. Encourage your friend to make an appointment to meet with this teacher and discuss that she feels that the teacher was given a wrong impression of her and that your friend would like the opportunity to show the teacher what kind of person/student she really is. You would be surprised how effective this can be.

In addition as her friend, just keep reassuring of how wonderful she is. Take the time to point out good things she does and things that make her special. We should all take the time to tell our friends how great they are, but especially if they are feeling low and not being treated well by someone else.

Good Luck!

 

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stolperia | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted April 11, 2012 at 1:57 AM (Answer #4)

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It's sad but often true that kids can be pretty heartless toward other kids - sounds like your friend is getting more than her share at the moment.

You're already doing the most important thing by being ready to listen and doing your best to be supportive, even when no one else seems to be doing so. You said you don't get to see her much, so these ideas may not be possible, but:

Could you include her in a group project for a class or, possibly even better, for an after-school activity that would be enjoyable and would give others a chance to get to know her and recognize her positive qualities?

Could the two of you organize a group to take part in a community event of some sort? Get a team together for a benefit race, find some friends to volunteer at the local animal shelter, whatever would give her a chance to mix with and make new friends!

 

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wannam | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Educator

Posted April 12, 2012 at 4:55 PM (Answer #5)

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I agree with the above suggestions that listening to your friend and showing how much you appreciate her is a great first step.  You might encourage her to speak with her teacher or with her guidance counselor about her feelings.  Many times, teachers do not realize a student feels unappreciated.  Her teachers may not be ignoring her achievements on purpose, they may just not realize that she feels neglected.  It is an unfortunate reality that often those who do well independently are ignored.  We should all make more of an effort to recognize each other's achievements.

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mwestwood | College Teacher | (Level 2) Distinguished Educator

Posted April 12, 2012 at 9:30 PM (Answer #6)

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While you do want to be encouraging and supportive, your friend will learn a valuable life lesson if she realizes now that often people are underrated for their merits.  But, as Emerson wrote,

The reward of a job well done is the job itself.

Taking personal pride in one's meritable work is important; what others think is secondary.

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clairewait | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted April 19, 2012 at 8:49 PM (Answer #7)

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I agree with the posts that suggest there is a form of appreciation and praise that comes from being needed.  In addition toyoumaking your friend feel needed, perhaps you could also suggest she volunteer with younger kids, or for a teacher who could use a student aid.

Sometimes the need for appreciation is displaced in the wrong areas.  If a person feels useful, worthwhile, or important in one area, it often spills into other areas naturally.

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