Do you think that my Thesis Statement for my essay is good?
The topic is: "Man when perfected is the best of animals, but when separated from law and justice, he is the worst"- Aristotle. Evaluate Aristotle's quotation as it relates to the characters and events in the novel.
My thesis statement is: Man is one of the greatest things to ever walk this Earth, but when taken away from law and justice, chaos breaks out. This is proven in the novel,The Lord of the Flies, with the actions Jack,Raplh, and Piggy.
Please leave comments, corrections, or any criticisms you have with it.
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Your thesis statement is off to a good start, I'd say.
The best part of your thesis statement is the second half, I believe; here you make clear that you will talk specifically about Golding's novel and, more specifically, that you will focus on the actions of three characters in that novel.
The weakest part of your thesis statements is the first half. The idea is good, but it's not yours, of course. You're paraphrasing Aristotle. Whenever you use someone else's idea (even when you restate that idea in your own words), you will want to give that person credit for the idea. You can improve your thesis statement by making a clear reference to Aristotle in the first sentence.
There are always more revisions that can be made. When I teach writing, for example, I always tell my students to avoid using "This is..." or "These are..." I always ask them "This what?" and encourage them to put a solid noun into the sentence to serve as the subject. How does this revision sound to you: "Aristotle's claim is proven in the novel..." or even just "This statement is proven in the novel..."? Also, as a side note, you'll want to underline or italicize the novel's title (I only underline if I'm writing something out by hand).
I hope that these comments are helpful.
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