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Can you please provide suggestions on how I can improve my writing and correct any...

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rainbow224 | Student, Grade 11 | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted September 2, 2013 at 8:08 AM via web

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Can you please provide suggestions on how I can improve my writing and correct any grammatical errors if noted? 

Introduction 

Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus is a chronic disease marked by an increase in glucose levels due to insulin resistance and relative insulin deficiency. The body’s sensitivity to insulin is reduced when

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durbanville | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted September 2, 2013 at 9:34 AM (Answer #1)

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In ensuring that facts are interpreted correctly and recalled effectively, in a  factual essay, try not to over-burden the reader. Facts will become unimportant if the reader cannot easily remember or relate to the facts. Re-read your facts and consider whether you can understand the intention of the passage. Then arrange the facts in such a way for the easiest recall. Grammar is important and sentence structure crucial in ensuring this understanding.

Consider starting a new paragraph with "Type 1 and Gestational Diabetes..." to enable the reader to absorb the information already provided and to enable him to pause to consider the differences between the types.  

"... thus different than Type 2 Diabetes..." should read "thus differ from..."   

Consider adding a full stop (below) as there must be a distinction between the global effect you refer to and the number of Australians affected. Take care with the use of affect (verb) and effect(noun).  

"...making it one of the most significant public health challenges to all nations. It affects 3.8% of the Australian population."

The next sentence is a little confusing and needs rearranging to ensure the meaning:

 "...Of 898,800 Australians diagnosed with diabetes (excluding gestational diabetes), in 2007 to 2008 there were 787,500 with Type 2 Diabetes." This improves the sentence grammatically as the meaning is not lost.  

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