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Can you pleae give me suggestions about how to improve the concluding paragraph of this...

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rainbow224 | Student, Grade 11 | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted November 10, 2012 at 10:34 AM via web

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Can you pleae give me suggestions about how to improve the concluding paragraph of this TV sitcom review? 

Conclusion: 

The main concept demonstrated throughout this episode is how relationships breakdowns [Removed by Staff to protect against Internet plagiarism.]

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pohnpei397 | College Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted November 10, 2012 at 3:21 PM (Answer #1)

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The content of this conclusion is, for the most part, quite good.  The one thing I would change in terms of content is the last sentence.  This sentence does not sum up what you have said.  It feels like an add-on that has no real point.  It would make more sense with the rest of your essay if you said “This episode… mixed with a touch of sci-fi and some sharp observations about our society’s attitudes and behaviors.”

As for minor issues:

It should be “how breakdowns of relationships and…”

“…and it is also entertaining…” is not correct because “it” is singular and cannot refer back to “struggles,” which is plural.  You might say “… struggles are portrayed in an entertaining way and are something many viewers…”

“Humours” should be “humorous.” 

Overall, the essay is looking quite a bit better than when you first posted it here.

Sources:

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