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can you describe a time when you realized you were behaving like your mother or father...

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fate | Student, Undergraduate | eNotes Newbie

Posted February 1, 2009 at 5:47 AM via web

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can you describe a time when you realized you were behaving like your mother or father and how that experience helped you better understand yourparent

please help me about my essay at least about the subject.

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sherri5418 | Student, Undergraduate | eNotes Newbie

Posted February 2, 2009 at 8:43 AM (Answer #2)

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One day i was lecturing my brother about bills. He said he has so many bills yet he is 20 without a family and not in college. So i rattled off my bills including how much it costs per week to feed and clothe my son, my mortgage, NIMO bill, taxes etc. He did not like this, and it made me realize that my mother did have it rough when we were younger (she was a single mom, and we did not understand bills) and now i am lecturing my younger brother, like my mother lectured us about responsibility.

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kkpsy | eNotes Newbie

Posted February 4, 2009 at 1:24 AM (Answer #3)

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There's an Ego function called indetification and onother one called introjection. These two functions are unconcious and enable the internalisation of various characteristics of the others(basically parents'). Later when i grew up i realized that i react in the same way as my parents did.How it happens? When a get a reflection for my attitude from the others-called mirroring-i become self awared. When i feel strange about my behavior or my feelings maybe i could make out whats wrong with me. I thought that i was different from my parents. I wouldnt do what they have done to me. Its a common state for abused persons. they become to often abusers too.Whats the mechanism behide that? Im not good thats why im punnished but if i have to be loved i must become as my parent. What we realize basically are those bad aspects of our personality that we deslike when detect them to the others. We protect ourselves by ignoring these and project them outside. Im not like that, you are.

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tjk2723 | eNotes Newbie

Posted February 6, 2009 at 5:45 AM (Answer #4)

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When your kids start asking you questions, the answers given by your parents, in hindsight, have much more clarity and depth. For example, all the "why" questions children ask.

Also, picking up parenting styles and terms for you parents. For me, things like asking my kids if they were being good listeners ... a term I hated as a child, but now use all the time.

There are many things everyone wants to do differently than their parents, hoping that our own experiences in life have made us wiser, but the older you get, the more you realize that your parents also had similar thoughts in mind when raising you. And then you realize a deep connection to how hard your parents tried to teach you and guide you ... and you learn from this and try to do the same for your kids.

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charcunning | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Assistant Educator

Posted March 7, 2009 at 2:51 PM (Answer #5)

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This is a brilliant question! :)

Yes, I am now a mother of three, and I oftentimes LONG for a 'break'--a little bit of time to myself so that I am not so completely frazzled and stressed out.

I am the oldest of five daughters, and I can clearly remember my mom threatening to "run away from home" when we would get on her nerves!

When I was little it made me upset to hear that, but now that I find myself in the same boat, I think my mom should have "run away" once in a while to get the rest and relaxation that she deserved!!

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besure77 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Senior Educator

Posted June 29, 2010 at 6:45 PM (Answer #6)

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Now that I have a teenaged daughter of my own, I have caught myself acting like my mother a couple of times. One thing that I do a lot in regards to my children and decision making is ask myself "what would mom do?" I guess this is because I know she did a good job with me and I respected her. I want my daughter to respect me so I use my mom as an example.

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litteacher8 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Distinguished Educator

Posted June 27, 2011 at 8:12 AM (Answer #7)

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I think I first felt this way when I started baby-sitting as a teenager and realized how hard raising children is. When I started teaching, I often complained to my mom or dad about something and they would laugh and say, "I told you so" or "serves you right" because they thought it was funny. In addition to hearing myself say my parents' words, I also heard myself say some of the things my teachers used to say. Sometimes I laughed, and sometimes it was a wake-up call to me that I was acting the way I swore I never would. It did help me understand why they acted that way, and I made a pledge to be less judgmental.

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