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Please consider how to improve my essay, taking into account problems with spelling,...

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rashaad64 | eNoter

Posted September 6, 2013 at 2:59 AM via web

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Please consider how to improve my essay, taking into account problems with spelling, grammar and punctuation, and sentence structure. Here is my essay:

Many attributes and hardships have came over African Americans but the reshaping of their whole lives as a whole gave away an outlook of the same problems of bondage in their lives in America. Many different violence and politics took shape toward African Americans and here are the reasons why.

Many African Americans after the Civil War thought and hoped that freedom would bestow around them toward becoming independent and having their own land, businesses, and rules but that wasn’t the case. Many, southern white people still saw African Americans as slaves and still thought of them as low lives in society but since the passing of the Thirteen Amendment many white slave owners lost a lot of money and trade from their cotton businesses, yet left white owners dependent on African Americans for human labor work for stabilizing their cotton industries and revenues that the white slave owners received throughout the business ordeals.  So, since the south lost against the north during the civil war many whites lost money bringing about more of the poor whites down in the south but since slavery was over white people found and thought of new ways to still make African Americans feel inferior and work for them even though they wasn’t slaves anymore.

The Reconstruction era was one of the most interesting and turbulent eras in history with government and citizens protections, economic, political rights, and equality mainly dealing with racial controversies. But, many of these issues during these times still remain as one of the core issues and complications that are still unresolved till this day.  The Reconstruction period was a time to give African American benefits and equal rights as their white counterparts in America that was never giving to them since their forced arrival on American soil. Andrew Johnson, the 17th President of the United States of America helped institute those laws along with the Republican government and giving equal rights, and voting privileges to African Americans that lived in the south. White southerners hated the republican government for trying to implement those laws and ignored them that were suppose to grant African American rights in America, but in reality Blacks were never giving the same rights, always faced with the inequality, and discrimination from white southerners.

White southerners saw African Americans as only labor and tried to put African American in positions that were close to slavery and making African Americans work under harsh labor conditions against their will. Work labor that white southerners would put African Americans in would be from coal mining to sharecropping and lumbering and etc… African Americans were hard working people who only wanted to have success in life and gain opportunities that there past ancestors could not. Competitions with whites were not an option since many white workers earn more wages compared to black workers that only got below minimum wage to make their ends meet in trying to build new lives for themselves during the post-Civil War era. Besides, from working conditions Blacks were always sentenced for crimes that they didn’t do or petty crimes that wasn’t major such as: jay walking and pig theft, or simply spitting on the side of the street turning blacks into convicts, and working life long work labor for whites under unfortunate conditions. Whites were hardly sentenced for any crimes compared to blacks that for one example if a black person steals an animal from a white persons ranch then that person is sentenced to five years in jail, which was many of the tragic issues that blacks had to deal with on day to day basis.

Many African Americans moved up north or west for better opportunities even though they would still face the same discriminatory actions from whites as from the south no matter where they moved to in America. Many whites saw still made profit and revenue from blacks that worked for them in the work labor but even so whites still saw them as a threat and even more enraged by it the whites formed many racial groups such as the KKK and other smaller groups that followed in segregating and eradicating black people.  Since the beginning of whites not taking the equality and rights of African Americans seriously the north saw them as no hope and gave up hope of the south only giving more southern whites more power and control over the southern blacks in bringing more inequality. Black codes were set in place as well in the south during the 1860s in bringing more injustice among the African American people in depicting them in society as beneath the white people who considered themselves superior in a way as if white people wanted blacks not I the same area as them or even in the same country as them either.

The many harsh conditions and discriminating actions and racial prejudice set against African Americans was a time where opposite colors of the spectrum was the main concern in America. African Americans only wanted to succeed and make it in life while whites saw them as only as a threat toward their jobs and money and status in America. Above all from everything that southern whites did toward puling down black people from low wages, work labor, jail sentencing, and the infamous black codes African Americans kept pushing through for equal justice and biracial unions and civil rights political coalitions and voting rights. In reality the Post-Civil War era was suppose to be a time for renewal racial conformity and economic/political change for all Americans but in actuality the many prejudices and discriminations growing from it left many generations of the future with an issue of racial inequality that still enacts as a turbulent problem in America as a whole.

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durbanville | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted September 6, 2013 at 5:29 AM (Answer #1)

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In considering an essay at the editing stage, always consider your intent. As an opening paragraph, there needs to be some reference to what will be discussed - the plight of African Americans after the Civil War. Add a reference to this into your first paragraph. 

To ensure that concepts have not been repeated unnecessarily, when you edit, underline the key words that create impact and focus. This will help you stay dedicated to your purpose. Take care not to go off at a tangent into issues that may or may not be part of the topic.

This essay focuses on the difficulties experienced by African American so it is important to ensure that that focus is consistent throughout. There are a few instances where the tone shifts and there is discussion about the Whites that caused the problems which is relevant but take care to maintain the focus on the increasing problems for African Americans.   

Consider the first paragraph and add a thesis statement to ensure that the reader is immediately aware of the topic. You could consider something like this:

After the Civil War, African Americans had to reshape their lives, apparently free from bondage. There was an expectation that things would be different but what they experienced were many of the same hardships. Violence was often directed towards African Americans and politics interfered with their progress. As things changed so they remained the same.

I have tried to use the language that you did but in a structure that is more focused to the purpose. 

To avoid repetition which may engross the reader in the words rather that the discussion use pronouns and let strong words create the emphasis instead. Rearrange the sentence order for better construction. Consider your paragraph commencing with "White Southerners saw African American..."  

White southerners saw African Americans as nothing more than labor and tried to put them in slave-like positions, making them work under harsh conditions against their will. Examples include coal mining, sharecropping, lumbering, etc. African Americans are hard working people and they wanted success in life and a chance to take advantage of opportunities denied to their ancestors. Competing with Whites was not possible as Black workers' wages were below minimum wage preventing them from even making ends meet whilst trying to build new lives for themselves during the post-Civil War era. 

I would consider making your last paragraph shorter. It may have more impact if you spilt it and start the last with "In reality, the Post-Civil War era..." Use some commas to ensure it flows correctly.  

In reality, the Post-Civil War era was supposed to be a time for renewal, racial conformity and economic and political change for all Americans. In fact, it created a new set of prejudices and discrimination. Many generations since have had to face racial inequality which, even today, acts as a facilitator of the turbulent problems in America as a whole.

Use these tips to edit the rest of your essay. Good luck.

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