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Demetrius, I'll avouch it to his head,
Made love to Nedar's daughter, Helena,
And won her soul; and she, sweet lady, dotes,
Devoutly dotes, dotes in idolatry,
Upon this spotted and inconstant man.
I must confess that I have heard so much,
And with Demetrius thought to have spoke thereof;
But, being over-full of self-affairs,
My mind did lose it.
It's not so much the fact that Demetrius has slept with Helena that is the problem, but the fact that it is being openly talked about by everyone - even Theseus has heard about it. It makes Demetrius seem rather less than gentlemanly, and it makes everyone think differently of him - marrying Hermia off to him would be much easier if he was thought to be whiter than white.
The Elizabethans also had a kind of belief in virginity before marriage, though, in fact, this seems to have been more stringently applied to women than to men.
2) Why do they tell Helena? Well, notably, it isn't Lysander who tells her, but Hermia. And why does Hermia do it? Because Helena is so upset about Demetrius' being in love with Hermia and not with her - she decides to try and comfort her:
Take comfort: he no more shall see my face;
Lysander and myself will fly this place.
Before the time I did Lysander see,
Seem'd Athens as a paradise to me.
Hope it helps!
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