Scene II

[Elsinore. A hall in the Castle.]

Enter Hamlet and Horatio.

HAMLET:

So much for this, sir; now shall you see the other.
You do remember all the circumstance?

HAMLET:

So much for this, sir. Now as for the other thing,
You do remember all the circumstances?

HORATIO:

Remember it, my lord!

HORATIO:

Remember it, my lord!

HAMLET:

Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting
That would not let me sleep. Methought I lay(5)
Worse than the mutines in the bilboes. Rashly—
And praised be rashness, for it let us know,
Our indiscretion sometime serves us well
When our deep plots do pall; and that should learn us
There's a divinity that shapes our ends,(10)
Rough-hew them how we will—

HAMLET:

Sir, there was a kind of fighting in my heart
That wouldn’t let me sleep. I thought I lay
Worse than in a rebellion, in the chains. Rashly—
And praised be rashness for it, let us know—
Our mistake sometimes serves us well
When our deep plots fail, and that should teach us that
There's a heavenly power that shapes our ends,
No matter how much we think we’re in control.

HORATIO:

That is most certain.

HORATIO:

That is most certain.

HAMLET:

Up from my cabin,
My sea-gown scarf'd about me, in the dark
Groped I to find out them; had my desire,(15)
Fingered their packet, and in fine withdrew
To mine own room again, making so bold
My fears forgetting manners, to unseal
Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio—
O royal knavery!—an exact command,(20)
Larded with many several sorts of reasons,
Importing Denmark's health, and England's too,
With, ho! such bugs and goblins in my life,
That on the supervise, no leisure bated,
No, not to stay the grinding of the axe,(25)
My head should be struck off.

HAMLET:

Coming on deck from my cabin,
My sea-gown wrapped abound me, in the dark,
I groped to find them. I went to
Steal their packet, and, finally, went back
To my own room again. Boldly,
My fears forgetting their manners, to unseal
Their grand orders, where I found, Horatio—
O royal trickery!— an exact command,
Loaded with many kinds of reasons,
Discussing Denmark's health and England's too,
With, ho! such ghosts and goblins in my life,
That, on my arrival, without any delay,
No, not even to wait for the grinding of the axe,
My head should be chopped off.

HORATIO:

Is't possible?

HORATIO:

Is it possible?

HAMLET:

Here's the commission; read it at more leisure.
But wilt thou hear me how I did proceed?

HAMLET:

Here's the order. Read it later.
But will you listen to how I proceeded?

HORATIO:

I beseech you.(30)

HORATIO:

Go ahead..

HAMLET:

Being thus benetted round with villainies—
Or I could make a prologue to my brains,
They had begun the play—I sat me down,
Devised a new commission, wrote it fair.
I once did hold it, as our statists do,(35)
A baseness to write fair, and labour'd much
How to forget that learning; but, sir, now
It did me yeoman's service. Wilt thou know
The effect of what I wrote?

HAMLET:

Being surrounded like this with evil plans,
Before I could start thinking about it, before
They could execute the plan, I sat myself down,
Though up a new order, wrote it just like the original.
I used to think, as our politicians do,
A sin to make a forgery and worked hard at
How to forget that learning, but, sir, now
It did me a useful service. Do you want to know
The effect of what I wrote?

HORATIO:

Ay, good my lord.(40)

HORATIO:

Yes, good my lord.

HAMLET:

An earnest conjuration from the King,
As England was his faithful tributary,
As love between them like the palm might flourish,
As peace should still her wheaten garland wear
And stand a comma 'tween their amities,(45)
And many such like as's of great charge,
That on the view and knowing of these contents,
Without debatement further, more or less,
He should the bearers put to sudden death,
Not shriving-time allow'd.(50)

HAMLET:

An earnest oath from the king,
As England was his faithful ally,
As love between them might flourish like the palm tree,
As peace should still wear her wheaten garland
And stand like a comma between their friendships,
And many “as-es” like that of great emotion,
That, on the view and knowledge of these contents,
Without further discussion, more or less,
He should the bearers put to sudden death,
Not even allowing time for confession and penance.

HORATIO:

How was this seal'd?

HORATIO:

How was this sealed?

HAMLET:

Why, even in that was heaven ordinant.
I had my father's signet in my purse,
Which was the model of that Danish seal;
Folded the writ up in the form of the other,(55)
Subscribed it, gave't the impression, placed it safely,
The changeling never known. Now, the next day
Was our sea-fight; and what to this was sequent
Thou know'st already.

HAMLET:

Why, even in that was heaven good to me.
I had my father's signet ring in my bag,
Which was the model of the official Danish seal.
I folded the writ up just like the other,
Signed it, gave it the seal, placed it safely back,
The forgery never discovered. Now, the next day
Was our sea-fight, and what followed
You know already.

HORATIO:

So Guildenstern and Rosencrantz go to't.(60)

HORATIO:

So Guildenstern and Rosencrantz go to it.

HAMLET:

Why, man, they did make love to this employment!
They are not near my conscience; their defeat
Does by their own insinuation grow.
'tis dangerous when the baser nature comes
Between the pass and fell incensed points(65)
Of mighty opposites.

HAMLET:

Why, man, they did make love to this job.
I don’t feel guilty about them. Their defeat
Grew by their own actions.
It is dangerous when the lower nature comes
Between the ups and downs
Of mighty opposites.

HORATIO:

Why, what a king is this!

HORATIO:

Why, what a king is this!

HAMLET:

Does it not, think thee, stand me now upon—
He that hath kill'd my king, and whored my mother;
Popp'd in between the election and my hopes;(70)
Thrown out his angle for my proper life,
And with such cozenage—is't not perfect conscience
To quit him with this arm? And is't not to be damn'd
To let this canker of our nature come
In further evil?(75)

HAMLET:

Doesn’t it, do you thank, become my responsibility to kill
He that has killed my king, and whored my mother,
Push himself in between the election and my hope to be
King, tried to kill me,
And with such knowledge, isn’t it perfect duty
To kill him with this arm? and isn’t it to be damned
To let this canker of our nature do
Further evil?

HORATIO:

It must be shortly known to him from England
What is the issue of the business there.

HORATIO:

He’ll soon know from England
What happened there.

HAMLET:

It will be short; the interim is mine,
And a man's life's is no more than to say 'One.'
But I am very sorry, good Horatio,(80)
That to Laertes I forgot myself,
For by the image of my cause I see
The portraiture of his. I'll court his favours.
But, sure, the bravery of his grief did put me
Into a towering passion.(85)

HAMLET:

It will be shortly. The time between is mine,
And a man's life is longer than it takes to say “One. “
But I am very sorry, good Horatio,
That I forgot myself to Laertes,
Because, by the image of my cause, I can see
Myself in him. I’ll court his favors.
But, for sure, the bravery of his grief put me
Into a towering passion.

HORATIO:

Peace, who comes here?

HORATIO:

Quiet, who’s coming here?

Enter [young Osric,] a courtier.

OSRIC:

Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark.

OSRIC:

Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark.

HAMLET:

I humbly thank you, sir. [Aside to Horatio.] Dost know
this water-fly?

HAMLET:

I humbly thank you, sir. Do you know this water-fly?

HORATIO:

[Aside to Hamlet.]

No, my good lord.(90)

HORATIO:

No, my good lord.

HAMLET:

[Aside to Horatio.]

Thy state is the more gracious; for
'tis a vice to know him. He hath much land, and fertile. Let a
beast be lord of beasts, and his crib shall stand at the king's
mess. 'tis a chough; but, as I say, spacious in the pos-
session of dirt.(95)

HAMLET:

Your state is the more gracious, for it is a vice to know
him. He has much fertile land. Let a beast be lord of
beasts, and his cattle shall stand at the king's dinner
table. He’s a clown, but, as I say, proud to own dirt.

OSRIC:

Sweet lord, if your lordship were at leisure, I should
impart a thing to you from his Majesty.

OSRIC:

Sweet lord, if your lordship were not busy, I should
impart a thing to you from his majesty.

HAMLET:

I will receive it, sir, with all diligence of spirit. Put your
bonnet to his right use. 'tis for the head.

HAMLET:

I will listen very carefully. Put your hat to its right use. It is
for the head.

OSRIC:

I thank your lordship, it is very hot.(100)

OSRIC:

I thank your lordship, it is very hot.

HAMLET:

No, believe me, 'tis very cold; the wind is northerly.

HAMLET:

No, believe me, it is very cold, the wind is northerly.

OSRIC:

It is indifferent cold, my lord, indeed.

OSRIC:

It is unusually cold, my lord, indeed.

HAMLET:

But yet methinks it is very sultry and hot for my
complexion.

HAMLET:

I think it is very sultry and hot for my complexion.

OSRIC:

Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry, as 'twere—I can-(105)
not tell how. But, my lord, his Majesty bade me signify to
you that he has laid a great wager on your head. Sir, this is
the matter—

OSRIC:

Exceedingly, my lord, it is very sultry, I can’t
tell how. But, my lord, his majesty asked me to tell you
that he has placed a great wager on your head. Sir, this
is the situation.

HAMLET:

I beseech you remember—

HAMLET:

I beg you, remember,

[Hamlet moves him to put on his hat.]

OSRIC:

Nay, good my lord; for mine ease, in good faith. Sir,(110)
here is newly come to court Laertes; believe me, an
absolute gentleman, full of most excellent differences, of
very soft society and great showing. Indeed, to speak
feelingly of him, he is the card or calendar of gentry;
for you shall find in him the continent of what part a gen-(115)
tleman would see.

OSRIC:

No, in good faith, for my comfort, truly. Sir, here Laertes
is newly come to court, believe me, an absolute
gentleman, full of most excellent traits, of very soft
manners and looking great. Indeed, to speak feelingly of
him, he is the card or calendar of gentry, because you
shall find in him the continent of what a gentleman is.

HAMLET:

Sir, his definement suffers no perdition in you;
though, I know, to divide him inventorially would dizzy
the arithmetic of memory, and yet but yaw neither, in
respect of his quick sail. But, in the verity of extolment,(120)
I take him to be a soul of great article, and his
infusion of such dearth and rareness as, to make true
diction of him, his semblable is his mirror, and who
else would trace him, his umbrage, nothing more.

HAMLET:

Sir, his refinement suffers no lie from you, although, I
know, to divide him like an inventor would make the
memory dizzy with arithmetic, and yet not off course, in
regard to his quick sail. But, in the truth of praise, I take
him to be a soul of great note, and his infusion of such
dearth and rareness as, to make true talk of him, he is
what you see, and whoever copies him, is his shadow,
nothing more.

OSRIC:

Your lordship speaks most infallibly of him.(125)

OSRIC:

Your lordship speaks most truly of him.

HAMLET:

The concernancy, sir? Why do we wrap the gen-
tleman in our more rawer breath?

HAMLET:

The concern sir? Why do we wrap the gentleman in our
more rare breath?

OSRIC:

Sir?

OSRIC:

Sir?

HORATIO:

Is't not possible to understand in another tongue?
You will to't, sir, really.(130)

HORATIO:

Isn’t it possible to understand in another tongue? You
will do it, Sir, really.

HAMLET:

What imports the nomination of this gentleman?

HAMLET:

What about the naming of this gentleman?