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HONE TUWHARE

Rain

I can hear you

making small holes

in the silence

rain

If I were deaf

the pores of my skin

would open to you

and shut

And I

should know you

by the lick of you

If I were blind

the something

special smell of you

when the sun cakes

the ground

the steady

drum-roll sound

you make

when the wind drops

But if I

should not hear

smell or feel or see

you

you would still

define me

disperse me

wash over me

rain

A wonderful description of rain in a very personal way within a free verse, poetic form.  Love the use of the "drum-roll" onomatopoeia as well as the very vibrant sensory images that abound within the poem and cover each of the five senses.  (In fact, I would venture a guess that this may have been written as a classroom assignment for sensory images.)  If the poem is your own, my suggestion would be to submit it to your school's literary magazine for publication!

An interesting play on the senses, if a person is deaf, blind, etc., what rain would mean to them and how it would interact with them.

An attempt to describe as many different aspects of rain as possible. I find the last stanza(s?) the most interesting...suggesting that we would know rain even if we couldn't access it through our senses. It begs the question..how does rain define & disperse us? In what ways are we connected to rain, & how could we remain connected if those links were removed?

A really beautiful poetic description of rain!! Every line makes you more aware of the sensual experience of rain. If we try to find out in what ways we could remain connected if our 'links' were removed, then I'm afraid we could go into the mundane descriptions. I liked the poem and do agree with #2 that it should be sent for  publication in magazine.

"making small holes in the silence"

That's beautiful! And very connotative. A "small hole" would be round--like a raindrop? Excellent!

"when the sun cakes the ground"

I love the suggested contrast here between the cool wetness of rain and the hot, dry earth.

"define" and "disperse"

These deserve some more thought!

In reply to #1:

Several have commented on the descriptive elements of this poem, and they are indeed lovely. What stikes me (no pun intended) by this rainfall is the symbolism. In literature, I usually associate rain with renewal, rebirth or baptism. This symbolic nature of the rain is something that the speaker seems to percieve, with some sense beyond the senses, and that perception is validating. It defines him or her as human and aware:

But if I

should not hear

smell or feel or see

you

 

you would still

define me

The last stanza also indicates a cleansing, perhaps a spiritual awareness or renewal with the phrase "wash over me."

Ok, that's my stab at analysis.