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Cyrano de Bergerac | Act III, Scene XI - Page 2

DE GUICHE:
[making another step] That makes two!
CYRANO:
[still stepping backward] Or, with my mechanical skills, I build a giant grasshopper out of steel. I use gunpowder to propel it, and with each leap, it launches me upward to the skies!
DE GUICHE:
[unconsciously following him and counting on his fingers] Three!
CYRANO:
Or, since smoke rises, I fill a giant globe with smoke. The globe rises, and carries me away!
DE GUICHE:
[still following Cyrano, and becoming more and more astonished] Well, that makes four!
CYRANO:
Or, since the goddess of the moon likes to hunt cattle, I coat my body with cattle marrow and get drawn up by her bow and arrow!
DE GUICHE:
[amazed] Five!
CYRANO:
[who, while speaking, has drawn DE GUICHE to the other side of the square near a bench] Or, I sit upon an iron platform and throw a mag- net into the air. It's a very smart method! The magnet will pull up the iron platform with me on it. Then, I simply throw the magnet up again and it pulls the platform up further! And on and on, until I reach the moon!
DE GUICHE:
Those are six excellent methods! Which one of them did you choose?
CYRANO:
Why, none of them! I chose a seventh!
DE GUICHE:
Astonishing! What was it?
CYRANO:
Try to guess.
DE GUICHE:
This madman has becoming quite interesting!
CYRANO:
[making a noise like that of ocean waves, and gesturing strangely] Hoo! Hoo!
DE GUICHE:
What does that mean?
CYRANO:
Can't you guess?
DE GUICHE:
Certainly not!
CYRANO:
The tide! When the moon was full, I soaked myself in the sea and laid myself down by the shore. In the same way that it pulls the ocean up and causes the tides, the moon pulled me up! I was pulled straight up by my head, since that part of me held the most moisture, due to my wet and matted hair! I was gently rising, just like an angel in flight, when all of a sudden I felt a shock! And then—
DE GUICHE:
[overcome by curiosity, sitting down on the bench] And then what?
CYRANO:
Oh! And then—[suddenly returning to his natural voice] The quar- ter hour is up. I'll detain you no more. The marriage vows have been exchanged.
DE GUICHE:
[springing up] What? Am I mad? That voice! [The door of the house opens. LACKEYS appear carrying lighted candelabra. The stage ligh ting becomes brighter. CYRANO gracefully takes off his hat, which he had kept pulled down in order to hide his face.] That nose! Cyrano?
CYRANO:
[bowing] At your service. They've just been married.
DE GUICHE:
Who? [He turns around. Behind the lackeys appear ROXANE and CHRISTIAN, holding hands. The FRIAR follows them, smiling. RAGUENEAU also holds a candlestick. The DUENNA follows at the rear, bewildered and wearing a dressing gown.] Good Lord!
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