What goes around, comes around …

Civil War planes? Lemme know how that works out…

And you wonder why…

After years of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball went to the circus owner and told him he was going to retire. “But you can’t!” shouted the cigar-chomping boss. “Where am I going to find a man of your caliber?”

As it turned out, the human cannonball who replaced him was hired and fired the same night!

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there’s a ‘peel and win’ sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won an RV! I’ve won an RV!”

The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch.”

But the blonde keeps on screaming, “I’ve won an RV! I’ve won an RV!”

Finally, the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t have possibly won an RV, because we didn’t have that as a prize.”

The blonde says, ‘No, it’s not a mistake. I’ve won an RV!’

And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads…

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.
.
.
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‘W I N A B A G E L’

The alternative learning strategies used at Kim’s school were sometimes controversial.

Special thanks to Cybersalt!

Grandma and the Computer

The computer’s swallowed grandma
Yes, honestly, its true.
She pressed ‘control’ and ‘enter’
And disappeared from view.

Its devoured her completely -
The thought just makes me squirm.
Maybe she’s caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I’ve searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind.
I’ve even used the Internet
But nothing did I find.

In desperation I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found online.

So, if inside your ‘In Box’
My Grandma you should see.
Please ‘Scan’, ‘Copy’ and ‘Paste’ her
In an e-mail back to me.

Special thanks to Cybersalt!

What would we do without bubble wrap? This wonderful plastic packaging tool has fallen from favor as we convert to more environmentally friendly materials, so it’s not as readily available as it used to be. But teachers in the late spring know another use for bubble wrap — we smash those little cells one at a time to ease the frustrations of trying to accomplish an inordinate amount of work before the Last Day of School.

Enter the Web, once again to make life a little easier for teachers. Now we can smash the plastic wrap virtually. True, we don’t get the feel of the plastic in our hands. But the satisfying sound of popping bubbles can help anyone get through those last few highly demanding days.

• Bubble Wrap — Try Manic Mode, and be sure to request a fresh sheet.
• Rapid-Fire Mode
• Different color, different sound, same stress relief!

When I need a laugh break, I like to visit LOLcats and I can has Cheezburger. Today’s pun comes from the latter site, but both are good for a few minutes of stress reduction!

A colleague posted to the Talkie listserv:

I have taught freshmen English for eleven years; I love my freshmen, but I am ready for a change and a new challenge. Consequently, I have asked to teach senior English next year.

I well know the needs, fears, and desires of freshmen. Help me prepare for seniors by giving me your impressions of their needs, desires, and fears.

My response:

• Freshmen fear seeming childish.
• Seniors are confident enough to reclaim childhood every once in a while.

• Freshmen need a lot of direction and guidance.
• Seniors like you to show them the big picture and let them figure out the
  rest.

• Freshmen mix multiple comma splices and run-on sentences in with their
  fragments.
• Seniors do, too, but when you point it out, they say, “Oh, yeah, I’m bad
  about that.”

• Freshmen have to be taught how to ask for help.
• Seniors have to reminded that they can ask for help.

• Freshmen, given a creative project, will say, “EXACTLY what do you want?”
• Seniors, given a creative project, will say, “Can you make this due on a
  Monday instead of a Friday?”

• Freshmen love compliments.
• Seniors do, too; but they won’t let you see it.

• Freshmen fall asleep in class because they were up late gaming.
• Seniors fall asleep in class because they were up late working (or
  parenting).

• Freshmen don’t want you to contact their folks when they’re in trouble.
• Seniors don’t care if you contact their folks; it’s been done before.

• After Spring Break, most freshmen turn into very interesting young adults.
• After Spring Break, most seniors shut down.

• You spend a lot of time helping freshmen with the transition to high school.
• You spend a lot of time helping seniors with the transition to the multiple
  unknowns of life.

One good way to learn the essential elements of a genre is to write a parody. The Onion offers one based on the classic To Kill a Mockingbird:

I Would Say To Kill A Mockingbird Captured The Most Interesting Part Of Our Lives

By Atticus Finch

As I get older and reflect on my life, my mind always drifts back to the time I defended handyman Tom Robinson against those trumped-up, racially motivated charges of rape. What a time it was. So much happened in that year and a half. Lessons were learned, innocence was lost, and a child put her fear of people different from herself behind her. There’s no denying it was a narratively gripping time.

We were fortunate that an important American novelist about to make her debut was around to take it all down as my daughter, Scout, told it. At the time, it never occurred to us that those events would make for a compelling look at race and class in the United States—perhaps even a fable for our times, playing out in an insignificant Southern town but with wide-ranging thematic implications for the deeper issues of prejudice and civil rights during a period of intense social upheaval, and all that.

Honestly, if this book had been written at almost any other time, it would have been pretty damn boring.

After old Bob Ewell closed that chapter in our lives by falling on his knife, the kids settled into their schoolwork and joined glee club. Jem played baseball for a while, but he didn’t really like it. Sometimes they’d drop in at the Radley place to pay their regards to Arthur. They even stopped calling him Boo. After a couple years he died of pneumonia. Or was it diabetes? I suppose I was saddened that he didn’t live to see another adventure—but then again, how many chances does one reclusive idiot man-child usually get to stand up for justice in the face of small-minded ignorance, and change the course of a community forever?

Scout’s gone through some changes of her own. All fairly standard. Back when I was arguing that case, she was so young and spirited. Always fighting for what she thought was right, bless her heart. I thought she’d go to college and get a degree in journalism, like she talked about, but she dropped out of Tulane after a year and moved back to Maycomb and became a waitress.

Read the rest of the parody.

I have to admire a piece that can skewer a novel, book reviews, study guide summaries, and memoirs, all at the same time.

Amy Carter brought an assignment home one Friday night while her father (Jimmy Carter) was still President. Stumped by a question on the Industrial Revolution, Amy sought help from her mother.

Rosalynn was also fogged by the question and, in turn, asked an aide to seek clarification from the Labor Department. A ‘rush’ was placed on the request since the assignment was due Monday.

Thinking the question was a serious request from the Prez himself, a Labor Department official immediately cranked up the government computer and kept a full team of researchers working overtime all weekend at a reported cost of several hundred thousand dollars.

The massive computer printout was finally delivered by truck to the White House on Sunday afternoon and Amy showed up in class with the official answer the following day. But her history teacher was not impressed. When Amy’s paper was returned, it was marked with a big red ‘C.’

Source: Anecdotage.